Protecting the President
by Missyluv
Summary: Laguna was corrupting her, encouraging her to sit back, enjoy life, even indulge in romance novels.  And unlike her, he seemed so happy...
1. Chapter 1

Another mission completed. Another to add to the hundreds she'd already been on-battle support, undercover operations, rescue ops-assignments expected of a mercenary for hire to both governments and civilians. They blurred in her mind forming one endless, continuing reality of who she was and what she did and what she would always be...Quistis Trepe, SeeD Combat Specialist, and after Squall, Balamb Garden's best. And because she was second-best, the Commander kept her busy.

She stepped out of the Ragnarok and into the soft evening breeze common to the Balamb continent. The evening air wasn't too chilly-it was warm, actually-but her uniform was damp, as was everything else she had packed for the mission. Damp from spending a week out in the rain, damp with sweat, and damp with blood. Not hers, of course, but Squint's, and Squint was now swiftly on his way to the infirmary; Dr. Kadawaki's emergency team had been awaiting their arrival. Thankfully, it looked like he was going to be okay, and would probably be back in the field in less than seven weeks. What more could any SeeD ask for?

Straightening her spine and taking a full, deep breath, she sucked whatever vitality she could from the air. Hardly reinvigorated, at least she thought she could make it to the Commander's office to report to Squall. Required of all SeeDs upon completion of an assignment, it couldn't be put off until later. But she hoped that once she left him, she would find herself in the shelter of her dorm room, burrowed beneath warm, soft blankets, asleep until the next evening or possibly well beyond. If only she could sleep away all remembrances of the death and brutality she'd witnessed the past few years since Balamb had changed its policy on Guardian Forces. If she could always keep one junctioned, the memories would begin to fade away...

She was used to being assigned the more extreme operations; Squall often admitted he rested easier whenever she was on a case and she was very proud of that. But she was still just a woman, one in desperate need of rest, and the Commander ought to be aware that even _she_ couldn't keep going at the pace she was on for much longer. Hyne, if in her shoes, he probably couldn't either.

After this last assignment, captaining a team of newer, unproven Seeds, she deserved a break. Although, despite a lack of experience, they had done a remarkable job...and everyone was still alive. There had been several, cold moments she was sure that none of them, including herself, would be for much longer. But they had made it and were still here, yet for how long, no one in their line of work really knew.

Down the gangway, they were trailing behind her now, like shadows, gray-faced and soundless. Once her feet touched the ground, she motioned them to a halt.

"Good work, everyone. Commander Leonhart should be pleased by what we've accomplished." They stood at attention, their gaunt, sallow eyes the only indicator that they too were as tired as she. She couldn't help but nod her approval at their grit, but she also felt pity. "I'll report to him alone. Get some rest."

They saluted her silently and then faded into the darkness, scattering off to enter Garden where they would greet friends and lovers and then fall into their beds. Later, they would be eager to tell others of the experience, most likely exaggerating several points and falsely turning the mission into a lark. She wondered if in the earlier days she had ever done the same. Somehow, even without the GF's, she couldn't remember.

Footsteps pounded down the gangway from behind her and she turned again, this time to thank Nida Addison for the flight home. He smiled in acknowledgment, his eyes crinkling with amusement when she allowed herself to yawn a moment later. It was not like her to show weakness, but at that moment, she didn't care.

"Rough one, huh?"

Her answering smile was pinched, but she smiled, nonetheless. He was always such a cheerful, pleasant person to speak to; she always felt lighter whenever he was near.

"It was, but it's over and Squall owes me...big time."

"Well, it's not like he can boost your rank anymore. I believe you're maxed out, Miss Elite, Rank A. But maybe you can demand more gil."

"Or added vacation time..."

"Or that," he agreed. He turned and looked out to where a line of silvery fur trees began to thicken into the eastern forest. His eyes grew wistful. "I wouldn't mind moving up a rank myself, although my opportunities to do so are generally few. Not that I'm complaining, of course." His eyes turned rueful. "Piloting is nice, but sometimes, I get a little jealous of the adventures you all get to go on."

"They're rarely fun or glamorous."

"No, just dangerous and exciting-"

"And deadly. Did you see those kids tonight? Always look long and hard at those you're transporting. Chances are a day will come you'll never see them again."

He laughed at that, and she cringed, having been entirely serious. "Nida-"

"Let's get you to Squall so you can give your report and get to bed." He picked up her bag and flung it over his shoulders. She wanted to protest, but knew it would be in vain. He was always a gentleman, despite a girl wishing him to be one or not. The Commander's office was situated beneath the bridge where Nida was headed anyway; just the thought of the long walk wearied her.

They skirted over the grass and slipped through Garden's front gate, their footsteps making quick clicks upon the cement pavers. When they entered the expansive lobby, and Quistis heard the familiar sound of the fountains tinkling and echoing throughout Garden's main chamber, she let out a deep breath as some of her tension eased. She was home.

The lobby was a place to tell secrets. There were pockets of both cadets and SeeDs alike, sitting and standing in small groups and in pairs, catching up on the daily gossip before curfew. The fountains created enough noise to cloak even the loudest of exclamations or the highest-pitched giggles.

But there was one giggle that the water had a hard time masking. Quistis heard Selphie Tilmitt long before she caught sight of her, and once she did, she wasn't surprised to see her sharing confidences with the Commander's girlfriend, Rinoa Heartilly.

Her two friends- she shook her head, knowing what they were ardently discussing by the gleam in their eyes and the flush on their cheeks. They were shameless, absolutely shameless.

Rinoa was perched on the arm of a wrought-iron bench, but when she caught sight of Quistis, she sprung to her feet, beckoning her to join them. Quistis only waved. "I'll find you girls later," she called. And it _would_ be later. Much, much later. She knew what they were discussing and for once she was glad she had the excuse to report to Squall.

Sex...the two girls were insatiable, goofy, like a pair of prepubescent boys discussing what it would be like to feel their first breast. Although both were growing more and more experienced. Squall and Irvine were seeing to that...the Commander trying to be discreet, the cowboy, not so much.

And whenever Selphie and Rinoa got together, sans their other halves, they compared notes, made suggestions and giggled and giggled and giggled. It was enough to give Quistis a headache and send her running to seek out other company.

The problem was, it was rare to find anyone, male or female, who hadn't caught the bug. Hormones were fertilizing Garden and Dr. Kadowaki worked harder dispensing birth control than actually tending the sick or wounded. And Cid...he serenely smiled at it all.

Every one of her closest friends belonged to someone. Zell was often found snuggling in tight corners with his cute, little librarian, Piggy-an awful nickname that made Quistis shudder. The day prior to her most recent mission, she had stumbled upon Zell practically devouring his girlfriend, nibbling on her flesh between a pair of dusty, old book shelves. It had been an awkward encounter, from which she withdrew as quickly as possible, clenching her fists as the sound of his rumbling laughter chased her away. He was as shameless as the girls.

And her friend Xu? Xu had been as stalwart as she in resisting the trend; together they had bemoaned the lack of control that had taken hold of Garden's residents. But one day, Xu began to steal glances at an older SeeD, and it was not long after, that she began to obsess over him. And it wasn't much after that that she and Xander Flynn were grossly in love. It was now only a matter of time before Xu joined Selphie, Rinoa and the ranks of numerous other SeeD girls in leaving her singular dorm room to move in with a guy. Xu was her ally no longer.

What a shame it was, Quistis sighed. From the corner of her eye, she noticed Nida look at her questioningly, but she ignored him, not wishing to speak to him of such matters. Besides, she suspected he had tender feelings for her. If she saw his eyes soften or begin to look wistful, she didn't know what she'd do.

She missed her girlfriends. The quality of time now spent with them was severely diminished, as their subject matter always concerned love, sex and all sorts of nonsense. Perhaps it was just as well that she always seemed to work harder than the rest.

Climbing the short staircase to the dais supporting the elevator, she scanned the crowd of young people, waiting for the lift to make its descent. Did Salli Benson seriously have to straddle her boyfriend's lap in public? Decency had completely vanished from the institution.

The elevator chimed, and she turned and followed Nida through its doors, bracing herself as it then sprung into ascension. When they arrived at the third floor, with a parting grin, he handed over her bag and then continued up to the next level. As she walked down the hallway, she realized she had forgotten to thank him.

The door to Squall's office was half open, but still she knocked. He looked up from where he was going over several files with his secretary and waved her in.

"Will you page Zell Dincht to my office?" he asked his secretary before she left. Then he bade Quistis take a seat. For once, she appreciated his lack of common pleasantries as they both sat down and immediately got to business.

He jotted several quick notes as she spoke, and when she was through, told her not to bother writing up the customary formal report the next day.

She looked at him blankly. Report writing was part of protocol. "Squall?" she questioned. He bent the rules as rarely as she.

"I'll have Gibbs do it. It will be good experience. Besides, tomorrow you'll be gone."

"Excuse me?"

"I'm sending you on another mission. You leave in five hours, so I suggest you quickly pack and then take a berth on board the Ragnarok. That way, your sleep will remain uninterrupted when Nida takes off."

"Squall, you cannot seriously be doing this to me."

There was a knock on the door and Squall left his desk to answer it. Quistis was certain he was glad for the excuse not to reply.

It was Zell.

"Sit down." Squall motioned him to the seat next to hers. "I was just telling Quistis there's another assignment and I've chosen the both of you for it."

Quistis settled back into her chair, resigning herself to her fate; that was life as a SeeD after all. But sometimes, she thought, it would be nice to have a choice in some matters.

"I received a call from Kiros Seagill, Vice President of Esthar-"

Quistis forcefully kept herself from rolling her eyes. Squall was always formal while briefing a mission, but was doubly so whenever any of the leaders of Esthar were mentioned.

He continued. "Apparently, over the past year, President Loire has received several threats from a small anti-sorceress, terrorist organization. Neither he nor the Vice President were too concerned as the members are disorganized and few in numbers. But this past week, there was a break in at the Presidential office and then the next evening, when the President was taking dinner at a popular restaurant in the city, he was shot at."

"Is he okay?" Zell asked breathlessly.

Squall nodded without visible emotion. "He's fine, but nonetheless, to be safe, Kiros is insistent security be heightened about him. He has increased Laguna's bodyguards, but for extra protection, would like a SeeD always near him as well. They are concerned that the break in was an inside job, as they claim the executive offices are impenetrable."

"Nothing is impenetrable," Zell grinned.

"For the next several weeks, you'll both be stationed with Laguna Monday through Friday, in which I'll have Nida fly you back to Balamb and Selphie and Irvine take your places on the weekends. I'm not sure how long this assignment will last-hopefully not years-but for now, we'll take it a week at a time.

"Quistis, you'll be with him during the day. Zell, the night. You'll also be staying in the president's apartments...Kiros is insistent SeeD keep close."

"Do I have to, um, stand guard while he sleeps? That could be sort of awkward, you know?"

"Outside his bedroom door should suffice, unless Kiros states differently. However, Quistis, you will stay with him at all times in his office."

She nodded. "I understand."

"Kiros has ensured me you will greatly enjoy the use of all the amenities of Laguna's home during your off hours."

Zell sprung to his feet. "This is going to be awesome! I'll miss Piggy, of course, but those guys know how to have a good time! We rocked Esthar the last time I was there!

After Ultimecia, a friendship had sprung up between Zell and Ward Zabac, and several times he had used his break periods to vacation in Esthar. "Your dad's the best, Squall. I wish you'd-"

Quistis watched Squall's face darken as he interrupted Zell's plea. "Zell, be sure to pack your formal uniform. The President must often attend high events. You too, Quistis, just in case it would be best to double up for an evening."

She nodded. The mission didn't sound too bad. She had always liked Esthar, although it was one country she'd not seen much of in the two years since Time Compression. While it was slowly becoming part of a larger, global society, the people still kept themselves somewhat apart, but their president was trying to change that.

President Loire was... She pursed her lips in disapproval. Squall was only half right; the mission could be fairly simple or it could be a nightmare. It all rested upon Laguna Loire's actions. Of course, he would never intend to be difficult, but he was a magnet for all sorts of bizarre happenings. And he seemed to enjoy it. Esthar had the oddest president the world had ever seen.

After receiving several more instructions, they were dismissed to go pack. Zell quickly fled, eager to spend his last hours with Piggy, but Quistis was slower to stand, her body aching with exhaustion. She thought bitterly that the vast majority of her clothing was dirty, crumpled into the pack now lying at her feet. Perhaps she could launder it in Esthar; tonight was out of the question.

She didn't bother saying goodnight, knowing Squall would hardly acknowledge the gesture, but as she was opening the door, she remembered Nida, and quietly clicked it shut again.

Squall was busy stacking several files together, clearing his desk to leave for the night and she was positive she detected a small smile upon his face. He looked to be anticipating something. She narrowed her eyes...most likely Rinoa.

"Squall, there's one other thing."

He looked up and his body shifted in annoyance when he realized she was still there. "Yes?" he asked, turning his attention back to his task.

It bugged her. Hardly ever considerate of her time, why should she be of his?

But still, she didn't want him to transfer his ill humor over to the pilot, so she tried to be brief.

"Nida would really like a break from piloting to go on a couple of missions. You might consider him sometime."

"Nida's a good pilot, so I hate to risk him. He's too valuable."

"Perhaps, but how would you feel training for missions all of your life, only to be endlessly stuck in a cockpit?"

Squall let the file in his hand drop to his desk. He then looked at her steadily, but she couldn't make much of out his expression. Even his annoyance had dissipated. "How would you feel training for missions all of your life, only to be endlessly stuck in an office? It is what it is, Quistis."

"I see." And she did. And then she wondered how many in Garden were happy with their work, or even with their lives. Was she? "It is, what it is," she mused aloud, more for herself.

Squall continued to lock his focus on her, as if he wished her to understand something about him. Finally, he looked away.

"I'll consider it. I'm not indifferent to how he must feel."

"Thanks, Squall," she nodded and then left.

The lobby was now empty as she passed through it towards the corridor that led to the dorm rooms. Curfew was almost upon them, and Garden was strict. Unless in the training center, one had better be in her room...or someone else's. As she walked down the hallway toward her own, she wondered at all that was going on inside the closed doors that she passed, glad to not have a part in any of it.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I need to make a little disclaimer...the titles of the books mentioned later in this chapter were not thought up by me. They are actual works of, um, delight? I never read them either, although maybe I should...

* * *

><p>"You look pretty uncomfortable. Why don't you kick back on the couch?"<p>

Quistis flicked her gaze towards President Loire who was smiling at her, seated behind his desk, pen in hand and a small, leather book before him. She had caught him studying her several times that morning, although in a fairly unobtrusive manner. She had spent some time studying him as well. They had met each other briefly two years before, but had hardly spoken, so she figured her presence in his office had to be awkward.

"My job is not to kick back, Mr. President," she said, trying to appear firm. But in reality, the couch looked quite inviting. "I need to stay alert."

His smile broadened- he appeared to smile as much as Nida- and nodded. "I understand, of course, but just the same, you're making me nervous standing as still as a chocobo. Besides, if there's a ruckus outside, or someone come to slaughter me, we'll hear my bodyguards long enough for you to stand."

"Sir-"

"Please?"

"Very well." She stiffly sat down upon the black leather sofa, keeping her back straight and erect, not allowing herself to sink against the softness its cushions. And they were very, very soft.

"Would asking you to slouch be too much?"

"Yes, Mr. President."

"You're going to have a pretty stiff back by the end of the day. Hyne, by the time this mess is over, you might not be able to bend at all!" He laughed and then was interrupted by a phone call.

As if refusing to slouch caused a stiff back...

She was glad that his attention was diverted from her person, a little perturbed by his easy dismissal of the seriousness of her job. If he wanted to treat his own so casually, that was fine, however _she_ always gave her best.

But she did lean back a little.

Perhaps she was being overly irritable, but the small amount of sleep she had received the previous night was steadily whittling away at her mood. She clenched her jaw. Squall had most likely had a lovely night's sleep...

Due to her exhaustion, she had started her assignment in a less than professional manner. Thankfully, the President didn't seem to care. She stifled an audible groan, mainly to keep him from inquiring further of her comfort. He would likely interrupt his phone call to do so.

This morning she had been shaken from her sleep aboard the Ragnarok by an anxious Nida. Apparently, she had slept through the landing and his announcement of their arrival.

"Quistis, wake up," he was saying urgently. She stirred and then indignantly shoved him away, forgetting where she was and what she was supposed to be doing.

"Leave me alone," she grumbled, rolling onto her stomach.

"I can't. We've arrived in Esthar and Zell is already outside with President Loire, Kiros Seagill and Ward Zabac. They're waiting for you."

Dismayed, she abruptly pulled herself onto her knees, groping in the semi-darkness for her glasses. "Oh no!" she cried, slamming her head against the wall. "Curse these blasted, tiny berths. Squall should have let me take the captain's quarters."

"Here," Nida replied calmly, handing over her glasses. She took them gratefully and forced them onto the bridge of her nose.

"Thanks." She looked down at her rumpled uniform. Last night, sleeping in it had seemed like a good idea, but now she was a mess. And she was also in a quandary. What was more important? Timeliness or tidiness? She chose the former and hurriedly slipped on her boots.

Her long, blond hair was a mess about her shoulders, so she coiled it into a bun as best she could, then grabbed her bag. "How do I look?" she asked Nida. "Horrible?"

"You could hardly look horrible, Quistis, even if you tried," he replied dryly.

"OK. I'm off." She turned to leave, but after taking several steps, spun around. "Oh, and Nida? I talked to Squall about giving you an assignment. He said he'd think about it."

Nida's face lit up like the sun, but she didn't have the time to bask in his gratitude. Waving goodbye, she rushed through the airship towards its main entry. But when she got there, before exiting, she slowed and arranged her face into one of calm. She hated for a client to see her so flustered.

The three men, plus Zell, were enthusiastically discussing something, flanked by several stern, muscular bodyguards. Always alert, she noticed hostile glances pass between the suited men and correctly surmised they were miffed by the added presence of SeeD. Men and their damned pride, she thought, forgetting that as a woman, she had a great deal of her own. She would deal with them later. For now, she needed to re-introduce herself to the President.

Laguna Loire, Ward Zabac, and Kiros Seagill- never had she seen a trio of more dissimilar appearing men. Ward was giant sized, towering at seven feet and making the other two appear as ants, which was not a mean feat as Kiros was well over six. Zell was particularly fond of Ward and Quistis hid a smile as she pictured the two of them having beers out on the town. Although a power house, Zell was quite small in stature, but woe to anyone who teased him about it.

Kiros was as dark as Ward was fair. She was slightly astonished, however, by a definite transformation in his appearance from the two years before, surmising it was largely due to his recent elevation to vice president. Like Ward, he had previously only been an adviser to Laguna. Last year, at Laguna's request, the office of vice president was created and the people of Esthar voted in his best friend to fill the position. Kiros's hair was now clipped short about his face and he wore a dark suit, exuding power and sophistication, especially when in contrast to Ward who was garbed in traditional Estharian robes. However Ward's robes looked much more comfortable for Esthar's hot clime; beads of perspiration dotted Kiros's forehead.

The President looked cool, however, dressed casually in a powder blue linen shirt and khaki pants. Were those flip flops on his feet? How did the people of Esthar let him get away with _that?_

But he was handsome; perhaps they never looked beyond his face. Quistis wished she could write him off as that and nothing more, but she couldn't. If she had learned anything about him through Ellone's flashbacks, it was that he exuded transparency and warmth, not being the typical politician, but a man you could trust.

As she approached the small group, the President was the first to notice her, his vivid green eyes snapping with recognition. She coolly held his gaze, and was startled when he began to pale. Looking away, he quietly reached down and began to rub at his leg and a vague recollection surfaced in her memories. She supposed she should be flattered, remembering beautiful women often caused him spasms, but she was well-used to all sorts of bizarre reactions from men to her looks and it did little to move her. Besides, seconds later, he seemed to overcome the oddity, although he looked a little dazed. Ward noticing the change in his friend, spotted her, and then thumped him on the back. He choked, but was himself once again.

"Miss Trepe. How good to see you!" he came forward, extending his hand, with only the barest trace of a limp.

"Mr. President," she smiled politely.

"Glad you finally woke up, Q!" Zell prodded her in the side. If a well-deserved kick to his shin could go unnoticed, he would sport a bruise the size of her boot. How could he act so unprofessionally, she wondered, forgetting her own tardiness in her annoyance. So what if he was on first name basis with the three men? Work was what brought them to Esthar now.

After a brief nod, Kiros Seagill stepped aside to give several, quiet directions to his men, who immediately straightened under his gaze. Out of everyone, the Vice President seemed to have a firm grasp on what was or was not appropriate. He seemed the man in charge.

And it was Kiros who finally introduced the two SeeDs to the bodyguards, whom Quistis was amused to find were now masking their belligerence. Still, she preferred to put them at ease. "I look forward to us working together," she nodded at each man. "Together, I'm positive we can keep the President safe. Although, you have done a great job so far. I'm sure the President is quite pleased with your efforts."

Laguna nodded with a smile and some of the tension eased from their stances.

And so Ward brought Zell to unpack at the President's apartment and she followed the President and Kiros to the executive office. Briefly, Kiros reiterated that she was to stay with Laguna at all times, never to leave him alone. Then he left and things grew quickly awkward.

When Laguna hung up the phone, he cocked his head and looked at her thoughtfully. "I don't know what I'm to do with you," he finally said.

"Excuse me, Mr. President?"

"It's just that I run a pretty loose ship around here and already you're sort of ruining the effect. My secretaries are all in a dither and one of them has even attempted to do some work."

"My pardon, Mr. President."

He only laughed and went back to studying a packet of important looking documents, but she caught him several times veer from the packet and study her.

The day passed blandly enough. Whenever someone met with him, she stood slightly behind his shoulder, keeping a steady, fixed gaze upon the visitor. Several squirmed under her stare; a few appraised her back, but most would have ignored her had not the President always insisted upon an introduction. After the second time, she asked him not to do so again, citing she preferred to remain as obscure as possible.

"You can't pull off obscure as a leggy, blonde Siren, Miss Trepe. I'm sorry, but I'll have to introduce you. I don't want anyone to believe you're here for other reasons."

She crimsoned at that. "No, Mr. President."

Later, in the afternoon, he tried starting several strings of conversations with her, but she kept her answers compressed and succinct. After awhile he gave up, but when he stood and gathered his few things, ready to call it a day, he turned to her with a small, wistful sigh.

"Two things...although I'm prepared for your refusal. Will you consider calling me Laguna? Everyone in this office does."

She considered his request. Sometimes it happened that a client preferred a first name basis, so she wasn't completely shocked on that account. What bothered her, was that his position was somewhat loftier than any she had ever worked for. But looking further at his friendly, hopeful face, she finally conceded. "Very well, but in front of others I will still address you as Mr. President."

"That'll work. Thanks!" He smiled and then turned the knob to open his office door.

"You had one more request?" she asked, following behind.

"Oh, yes! Tomorrow, bring a book. You're making me nervous."

* * *

><p>The next morning, she was able to return Laguna's smile with a genuine smile of her own, as she met him in the foyer of his apartment to escort him to his office. He blinked and staggered slightly on his feet.<p>

"You have a beautiful smile, Miss Trepe," he finally said admiringly. "I had no idea you could light up a room that way."

"Thank you Mr. Pres...Laguna. I was quite tired yesterday, having been home from an assignment less than an hour before being assigned to this one. It was good to retire so early last night."

"We missed you at dinner."

He had insisted she and Zell take their meals with him on the nights he dined at home. The idea confused her, but she supposed it was a harmless enough request. And then after, she was free to do as she liked until bed. Yesterday, she had declined the meal, instead eating a power bar from her pack, and then turning out her lights. But she looked forward to trying the food cooked by his personal chef; it was a rare opportunity to eat a meal so fine. Certainly Garden's cafeteria food was disgusting enough.

"I will eat with you tonight."

"Did you have anything for breakfast? I didn't see you in the dining room."

Why did he seem so concerned? She was hardly there as a guest. "I grabbed a muffin to eat while I dressed."

She opened the door to the hall outside of his apartment, greeting the four bodyguards stationed there. "He's ready," she informed them and together they escorted Laguna to his office.

Upon arrival, there was a fresh cup of steaming hot coffee upon his desk, and he bounced towards it. "Glory always remembers this. I really need it in the mornings." Looking at him, she wondered that he even needed a caffeine fix at all. He certainly didn't seem to lack energy.

He went to take a swig, but stopped himself right before the mug came into contact with his lips. "You only grabbed a muffin. You didn't mention a cup of coffee, did you?"

She shrugged. "No, it wasn't ready at the time."

"Please, take this. I'll have Glory bring me another."

Quistis shook her head. "Laguna, I'm not here to eat or drink, but to keep you safe."

"That's hardly necessary, and you know it. I'm as safe as can be, tucked up in my little office."

She looked around and smiled. His office was actually quite large and also quite plush. And it felt quite safe. She thought it a little odd that Kiros insisted a SeeD remain in the Presidential Office with him. Surely he would be in no more danger if she sat in the hall with the rest of the bodyguards. Regardless, it wasn't her business. She only followed orders.

"Why can't you just enjoy yourself, at least as much as you are able to, stuck here with me."

"I'm not being paid to enjoy myself."

"It can be our little secret."

He was pushing her too much, but doing so in such a friendly fashion, it left her flustered. Instead of answering, she made a show of inspecting every nook of his office. Once she was satisfied all appeared normal, however, she marched over to his couch and sat down. From a small bag she had carried with her that morning, she pulled out a book and flipped it open.

"Excellent!" she heard him exclaim, but she kept herself from meeting his eyes and instead tried to focus on the words dancing across the page. She had never felt so unsettled in her life. To actually be reading while on the job-Squall would kill her if he knew.

"Make yourself comfortable, Miss Trepe. I don't have any appointments until after lunch and as it's Tuesday morning, my assistants know better than to interrupt me with anything less than a national emergency."

At that she did look up. "Why?" The question escaped her mouth before she could swallow it and she wished she could take it back. His reasons were no business of hers.

But his eyes twinkled and sparkled and he seemed glad she had spoken. "To write," he said. When he realized she would ask nothing further, he continued to explain. "Keeping Tuesday mornings free gives me enough time to do what I love best. It keeps me...me."

She nodded, not knowing what to say or even if she should say anything at all. Besides, she didn't really understand...

"What do I write, you ask?" He grinned. "All sorts of gibberish that I should probably keep to myself."

"That's interesting. I won't bother you, now that I know the importance of your work."

The room was suddenly clogged with his laughter. "Thank you, Miss Trepe. I hadn't expected you would, talkative lady you appear to be." He picked up the leather book he had been scribbling in the day before and like a little boy, spun his chair across the room to an enormous window boasting a sprawling view of the city. Sitting down, he pulled the lever to a footrest, and reclined against the cushion. Quistis, noting his back was to her, reluctantly curled up in the corner of the couch.

For the first several minutes, the quiet was nice, but after awhile her mind began to wander. Her reading material was hardly entertaining. While packing, she had thrown in a SeeD regulations manual, figuring that with the freedom of her evenings, she could continue her attempt at memorizing the entire first volume; she already had the first fifty of two-hundred cemented into her memory. Today, however, the task failed to inspire her.

She really wondered what he could possibly be writing. Hopefully nothing about her. But then, why would he? Pressing her lips together, for the third time, she directed her brain back to the manual.

Later, although how much later, she didn't know, she became aware of eyes on her. Then came the awareness that she was droning aloud regulation number fifty-two.

"What are you doing?" Laguna asked. While she had been so engrossed, he had spun his chair around and was studying her.

She brought the book to her lap. "I forgot myself. I'm sorry to have bothered you."

He waved that aside. "No worries. But what are you doing?"

"Memorizing statutes."

If there hadn't been armrests, he would have fallen off his chair. "Why?"

She felt slightly defensive. "If they're in my head, I will be more efficient and able to accurately follow protocol.

He appeared stunned. "Wow. That's really weird."

"I didn't make fun of your gibberish."

"No, but if you had I would have joined you." He stood and paged one of his assistants. When she knocked, he met her at the door and whispered something into her ear. She smirked and then flounced away.

Quistis didn't have to wonder long what he had asked of his assistant. Soon Glory appeared, several paperbacks in hand.

"Here you are Mr. President," she said, handing them over. Then she looked over at Quistis with a wink. "Enjoy."

Laguna flipped through them, nodding in approval and chuckling under his breath. Finally he brought them over and laid them at Quistis's side. "I think you'll find these far more entertaining, and possibly even more enlightening, than that tome you're pouring over. As Glory bade, enjoy."

She picked up the top book, but immediately yelped when she saw what was on the cover. "I can't read this trash!" she exclaimed.

"Sure you can," he replied easily. "I'll wager you'll even like it. Ever read one before?"

"Of course not!" she sniffed. "'Women's porn' is what my friend Xu and I call books such as these. I prefer to read things that help teach and broaden the mind."

He was shaking with his laughter and for a moment she was left mesmerized by his jubilant nature. He was always laughing. She closed her eyes briefly, anxious to break his spell.

"Well, like I said, you might find these enlightening." He meandered back to his chair, positioned his pen and after a several spaced chuckles, lost himself in his writing once again.

She peeked over at the cover of the first book again, horrified by the busty woman locked in a passionate embrace, her voluptuous bosom's pressed against a bare-chested man. Did women really read such things? There couldn't possibly be a good story hidden within. Books like these were all about sex.

"Please don't tell me this is the sort of stuff you write," she called over to him, but then blushed, and for the second time that morning wished she had held her tongue.

He didn't look up right away, but his lips curved into a tiny smile as he finished jotting down a thought. When he did, he was awash in good-natured, self-mockery. "I haven't the experience to write, uh...such scenes prevalent in that sort of novel."

"Oh." She doubted that. A man in his position, as physically appealing as he, would have had plenty. But then, he wasn't a man to lie, and if he did, every part of his body would counteract the untruth.

"Are you going to read it?" he asked, motioning towards the book in her hands.

"No."

"I think you should."

"Why?"

"For a new experience. You never know, you might like it." There was a naughty gleam in his eyes. "Read me some of the other titles."

"You already saw them." When he only continued to look at her expectantly, she sighed and gave in. "In my hand is_ Dark Embers._" She lifted the one on her lap to show him.

"That looks like a good read," he replied solemnly.

She rolled her eyes and picked up the entire stack. The next book caught her by surprise and she couldn't hold back a giggle. "_Desert Prince, Defiant Virgin." _It appears this is a novel about Esthar's days of old."

"Ah, perhaps Kiros should read that one. He actually descends from those native to this land, for all that he was born and raised in Galbadia."

"Really?"

"Yes, but read me the others."

"_Up Close and Dangerously Sexy; Hotly Bedded, Conveniently Wedded_; and _Tamed By the Barbarian._" A book on the floor caught her eye. It must have slipped off the couch while she laughed. She picked it up. "And this one is_...A Long, Hard Ride_."

He stood and walked over to join her on the couch. "Don't tell me the last one has a long-haired, shirtless, young buck astride a motorcycle. I think I caught Eva tittering over that one last week." He sat down beside her and took the book from her hand. As she looked at him, a second giggle escaped her. She knew it was wrong, that her professional decorum had been thrown from the window, but she couldn't help herself. Laguna Loire, with his hair let down and his shirt stripped from him would look incredibly similar to the man on the cover. But she would die before she told him so.

"I know what you're thinking," he told her. She began to squirm. He couldn't possibly...Could he?

"You think I've read it, but I promise I've not." He stared long and hard at the man and his eyes began to narrow. "This guy looks sort of familiar. Who's the illustrator?" He flipped open the book to the title page. When the information wasn't to be found, he groaned. "I guess I really don't want to know anyway."

He gave her back the book and then reached over to gently yank a strand of her hair. "Have fun," he said with a smile and moved away.

She stilled, but was glad to see he hadn't noticed. The sweetness and light of his personality, coupled with his easy-going personality was beginning to undo her and that was not something she could afford.

During her final days as an instructor, she'd let her sense of propriety slip as her infatuation with Squall grew, recklessly flirting with him in the Fire Cavern when her only purpose there was to give him support as his skills were tested. She was pretty sure the Garden Masters guarding the entrance had witnessed some of her shame that day and directly reported it to Norg. Less than twenty-four hours later, she was an instructor no longer. And since then, she'd always tried to behave.

But still, if Laguna was willing for it to be their little secret...

Sighing, she grabbed her SeeD manual and with set lips began to read the statutes. If she was ever an instructor again, the ability to recall them at will would prove beneficial.

But after an hour had passed, her fingers began to caress the pile of books, and not much later, as if they had a will of their own, they picked up _A Long, Hard Ride. _The Laguna Loire look-a-like on its cover was beckoning her to explore what was inside; perhaps it was fate that she read it. At the very least, she decided, it might provide broader hints as to what was happening in Garden behind closed doors. She thought of Zell with disgust...or between bookshelves.

Commencing with its beginning chapter, it was not long before she was captivated. Laguna, checking her progress, noticed her absorption. He smiled and soon whole pages were filled with his lines. The morning was cozy and warm, and so was the rest of the day.

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><p>Another AN: Thanks so much for reading this so far! And also for those who reviewed my last chapter. It really means a lot!


	3. Chapter 3

Disclosure: A certain quote Quistis shares with Laguna at the end of this chapter was not conjured from my mind...unfortunately. Or actually, perhaps it is fortunate that it did not as it's, well...anyway, whatever. It is from "The Princess of Park Lane" by one Jacqueline Navin. A lovely book. A lovely, romantic book. A lovely book I should probably never have read.

I used to read lots of romance. Lots and lots of 'em. In fact, my husband would go on ebay and order boxes full for me as it was much cheaper to furnish my indulgence that way than buying them brand new from a store. But that was ten years ago. Now, in my wiser age of thirty-one (Ugh, I'm old) I've realized how severely they mess with my head. Plus, you can only read about so many young women (Um, I only read the historical ones, which were far less raunchy than the modern novels) losing their virginity before it quickly becomes tiresome. Besides, the ways they usually did...yeah, certainly not realistic. :) OK...I'm probably digging myself into a hole right now. Enjoy!

* * *

><p>By the end of the week, Quistis was a full-blown reader of romance. After the last paragraph of <em>A Long, Hard Ride<em> was thrilled over, she took several deep breaths, during which she considered the ramifications of continuing to read such works -she didn't want to evolve into an overly sentimental female after all- and then began to devour the next one, choosing _Tamed By the Barbarian._ The escape from her own world of uncertain outcomes, death and bloodshed into one where a happy ending, love and endless pleasure was guaranteed was truly addictive. Of course the heroines were quite silly and the heroes oversexed, but she found herself liking them despite it. They embraced life with passion. If only she could do the same.

And the sex was...Well, sometimes she giggled, sometimes she snorted, and every so often she came upon a line or an emotion that caused her to suck in her breath with a yearning to experience it for herself. Of course, she wouldn't anytime soon. She didn't have romantic feelings for anyone at the moment, and somehow, if she was ever to engage in such behavior-her feet always ended up furiously tapping the floor as a vision of herself naked and entangled with a faceless body entered her mind- she wanted there to be some sort of feeling between she and whoever "he" was going to be. But then, maybe she would never experience it at all. The sober reality of her life was that on any day, at any hour, she could die.

But she didn't want to think of that either.

Overall, she found she understood Rinoa, Selphie and Xu a little more than she previously had. She hadn't quite joined their sisterhood, but she wasn't as much of an outcast as before. But they could never know it. She would be beyond mortified should any of her girlfriends ever find out what she had been up to, protecting the President.

On Friday, shortly before she was to meet Nida in the Esthar Airstation, she handed Laguna the stack of books and asked him to thank Glory and the other girls for letting her borrow them.

"Should I have them rustle up several more for next week?" he asked. She shook her head, but he didn't seem to notice as he was suddenly glaring at "A Long, Hard Ride" with its cover emblazoned with his likeness. "Now that you've read this one, it's for the trash," he muttered and chucked it into the receptacle. She tried to hide her smile, but couldn't manage it. He caught it and gave her an exaggerated scowl.

"Do you have something to say, Miss Trepe?"

She looked him up and down. "The artist really caught your animal magnetism," she replied before thinking.

He took a step back and nervously ran his fingers through his bangs. She had apparently caught him off guard. But suddenly the position of his mouth flipped into a grin. "Do you think so?"

"Oh, definitely."

He gave her the sweetest of looks. "I try to keep it hidden."

Was he serious? "Oh." She couldn't think of another response, amazed at how she was the one left speechless. Then a thought hit her. Had she just flirted with the President? She bent to pick up her bag, buying a moment to reschool her face. Let Selphie be the one to do that.

As she straightened, she briskly brushed the topic aside. "As for next week, I won't be requiring any more books from your secretary's stash." When she saw his evident disappointment, she continued. "But I do plan to visit Garden's library and see if I can find anything more interesting than SeeD manuals to read."

He nodded and extended his hand forward. "Have a great weekend, Miss Trepe. And don't get into any trouble. Got it?" She placed her palm into his, felt the warmth from his clasp go through her, and something within her changed.

"Please call me Quistis," she said. "And I will see you Monday morning."

Their eyes met and held, until they both looked away. "I look forward to it, Quistis," he said gently.

When she arrived at the air station, Zell was already there chatting with Nida, Selphie and Irvine. Selphie squealed when she saw her, darting away from the boys to envelope her in a rib-crushing hug.

"Is he as hot as ever?" she whispered in Quistis's ear, before breaking away. "Squall is so perfectly awesome to give me this assignment, although you are luckier still to get him all week. Sir Laguna's such a hunk!"

Quistis didn't bother to answer, but Selphie wasn't expecting her to. "Irvine is of course a little miffed. He has such insecurity issues over the President, but that's silly. Irvine's the one I love. Although..." she lowered her voice even more. "If Sir Laguna ever asked me to spend the night with him, I don't know what I'd do." She laughed and then guiltily looked over towards her boyfriend. "But don't tell Irvine _that!"_

"He's definitely a prime specimen of man-flesh," Quistis replied dryly.

"What?" Selphie asked, eyes narrowing. Then her face brightened. "Wait! You want to sleep with him too, but are trying to hide it behind sarcasm. I'm so on to you!"

"I do not," Quistis quickly retorted, but not as convincingly as she'd like. Those dratted books had opened her mind to a bombardment of scenarios she didn't wish to dwell on. Drawing her dignity about her as a cloak, she tried to speak calmly. "I do not share your fantasy, Selphie."

"If anyone is in need of a fantasy, it's you."

"I do n-"

Selphie patted Quistis on the cheek. "I'll see you Monday morning at the next turnaround."

On board the Ragnarok, Quistis sat in the cockpit with Nida, basking in the sunset's golden rays that poured through the windows. She didn't say much, but admired the way Nida fluidly handled the enormous airship, never making quick, jerky movements as Selphie usually did. She had always liked this part of missions, the leaving and the coming home, feeling that while traveling through the sky, life was temporarily in stasis. And then she realized she liked Nida up there with her. For whatever reason, she always enjoyed his presence during the transition. Capable in what he did, she always felt safe with him amongst the clouds.

"How was everything this week?" he finally asked. "I always like what I hear about that President Loire guy. I'm sure he's a pleasure to work for."

"Yes he is. And this week passed pleasantly enough." She laughed. "Although not filled with danger or excitement, such as you would prefer."

"But probably a nice break from your usual experience. I'm glad for you. You actually look a lot better than you did when I dropped you off."

"I feel better."

This time, after they arrived in Balamb, she didn't let Nida carry her bag to Squall's office, but instead foisted it upon Zell. When he began to protest, she mentioned that his muscles looked a bit smaller than usual, and with alacrity he flipped both of their bags over his shoulder and ran towards the stairs, avoiding the elevator. Left in his wake, she and Nida laughed and took a more leisurely pace.

Squall was motioning an animated Zell to sit down when Quistis entered his office minutes later. The Commander looked relieved at her arrival; Zell was known to talk circles during reports. She sat down and brushed Zell's shoulder. "I'll fill him in, okay?"

Squall wasn't too interested in any of the finer details of their assignment, and looked uncomfortable whenever Zell interrupted her to strategically make a positive remark about Laguna. Quistis felt herself growing more and more agitated with their Commander as the minutes passed. Why couldn't he just admit the relationship between he and the President? It was tiresome the way it hung in the air, unspoken and unacknowledged, as if keeping it that way forced the reality to vanish.

But Squall was stubborn and skirted over all that was not relevant to the case. When she and Zell finished their report, Squall folded his arms against his chest. "I want to fill you in on another aspect of this assignment. In talking further to Kiros Seagill this week, we both decided it would be better to try and infiltrate the terrorist group, and possibly even push them into activity. As they are without a strong leader, we could be waiting forever for them to move, and frankly, I don't wish to tie up my best SeeDs in Esthar no matter how great the gil is. Kiros is of the same mind."

Quistis sighed, certain that he was going to re-transfer her. She had a great deal of experience in such operations, but found she rather liked where she was at the moment. Maybe she should protest? It would be unlike her, but...

"Xu and Xander are already in transit to Esthar, and as soon as they find an in to the organization, we'll set up a drop location to pass intel. For now, both of you enjoy your weekend."

He had sent someone else! Quistis realized she had been holding her breath, and exhaled it in relief. Squall was suddenly transformed from a controlling prick into a prince among men. Even with their history, she could almost kiss him. Squall, watching her, rolled his eyes, but she only smiled, saluted and left.

With both Selphie and Xu in Esthar, Rinoa was her only close friend in residence that weekend. Rinoa without Selphie was much easier to handle. They only spoke of Squall for half of the time.

On Sunday morning, when Quistis was repacking her bags for the return trip to Esthar, she realized she hadn't yet paid a visit to the library. She shivered, beginning to anticipate what she might find there. She was certain the Garden library didn't carry anything as racy as the novels she had read the prior week, but did they even carry novels at all? Would they be easy to find and then quickly check out without stirring up any unnecessary scrutiny? Thinking on it further, she almost wished she had taken the President's offer of acquiring more reading material from his secretaries. It would have made things much easier.

In the end, Zell's girlfriend helped her out. She found Quistis meandering through the library, biting her lip and eying the various volumes in befuddlement.

"Can I help you?" she asked, her ponytail bobbing with her efforts to please.

"Piggy-" Quistis stammered, taking a step away from the shelf she had just been perusing. She colored, aware that she had called the girl by Zell's pet name. Piggy only giggled.

"You can call me Petunia, if you'd like. Or Pet." She extended her hand with a smile. "Petunia Wilbur."

Quistis shook her hand and mumbled an apology. Petunia waved it aside. "Zell's never properly introduced us."

They stood there awkwardly for a moment, and then Petunia looked at the shelf. "So, I'm assuming you're looking for a book. Anything in particular?"

Quistis swallowed. "I don't know. I just thought reading a novel would prove interesting while I'm away."

"Would you like something with a little history, or a memoir of someone's life, or-"

"Do you have any romance?"

Petunia nodded eagerly. "Unfortunately, not much of the naughtier sort, but we have a few good reads. Follow me."

She led Quistis to a different section of the library, one Quistis was chagrined to realize was overrun with young SeeD women and cadets. They stood leafing dreamily through the various novels, some emitting rapturous sighs whenever something struck their fancy. Eyes darting to and fro, Quistis almost walked away; she really didn't belong there. But gathering up her courage, she stayed.

Of course she was recognized, but none remarked on her presence, or even looked at her strangely. It was only to be expected that as a female she would appreciate a good love story as much as any other girl. There was no room for pride amongst those shelves.

Piggy lovingly ran her fingers over the bindings of several volumes until they came to rest upon the one that she was searching for. "Try this one, Quistis. It never ceases to thrill me with its beauty and I hope it will thrill you the same." She placed it into Quistis's trembling palms and then found another. "But this book..." she craned her neck to look behind her, and then to each side until she was satisfied she was solely amongst sympathetic company. "This one," she whispered, "has the steamiest sex imaginable. Books of this sort aren't usually allowed in here, per the former Garden Master's decree, but the cover was innocuous, and somehow it passed through the system. You're lucky it's here. Usually it has a long, long wait."

"Thank you," Quistis replied and bravely took it as well.

"Ever read anything like it before?" Pet asked.

Quistis suddenly felt the urge to share confidences. Part of the enjoyment of reading a book was discussing it later on, right?

"Promise not to mention any of this to Zell?" she asked. Pet nodded emphatically. "President Loire's secretaries gave me some to read last week. I-"

"Which ones?" Pet interrupted with excitement. Quistis rattled off the list of titles and Zell's girlfriend was instantly in raptures. "Those are all so amazing! _Tamed By the Barbarian_ is my favorites. That authoress has quite the following around here."

"But I thought the library didn't carry-"

"No, but there's the secret library, of course."

Quistis was certain she heard the girl nearest to them giggle. "The secret library?" Quistis asked, and was shocked when several girls then began to shush her. It seemed Balamb's female population had an underground society.

"Yes! But our librarian is very particular to whom the goodies are passed out to. You'll never guess who it is!"

"Who?"

Piggy cocked her head. "Well, I can't let you know at the moment. We like to keep things under wraps, although more for the fun of it than anything else. It's not like anyone would really give a hoot as to what we're up to. I mean, even Rinoa is in on the fun. If you're interested, I'll have our benefactor contact you as soon as it's convenient."

The whole thing sounded like nonsense, but Quistis couldn't help but feel intrigued. Although, a part of her felt a little left out as well. Rinoa had never let on about any underground libraries. Quistis wilted just a little. More than likely Selphie knew of it too.

"Okay. For now, I'll just check these two out, but please have her-it is a she, right?-get in touch with me."

Piggy nodded. "Sounds great! And you'll really like these books! But most of the others are great too!" she motioned towards the hundreds lining the shelf.

"If these books are so good, why read the others?"

Pet looked as if she didn't quite understand the question. The girl who had giggled the moment before joined them. "They provide fodder for our imaginations, of course. They're so inspirational! Besides, the boys like the ideas they give us." She winked, then flounced away.

That night, on her flight back to Esthar, while settling into a berth, Quistis replayed the episode from the library in her mind. While she had always-and still did-see the girls of Balamb as strumpets parading their desires, she now saw that many of them also dreamed of love. Or were in love. And it was hard to fault other girls in their longing for it. Perhaps it was something built inside, something they couldn't resist no matter how hard they tried. Humorously, she then wondered if maybe they were just as helpless against certain other 'urges' as well.

She was jostled from her sleep the next morning by the sudden, harsh impact of the Ragnarok crashing down upon pavement. She winced, grateful she had been sprawled upon a soft mattress when it occurred or she possibly would have been injured. It was unlike Nida to make such a rough landing. She hurriedly dressed to go see if everything was fine.

She met Nida by the exit and he gave her a sheepish smile.

"Sorry about that," he said. "I guess I'm a little excited..." His smile widened and his eyes began to shine. "Squall informed me last night that I'm to be quick here in Esthar. He's sending me on an assignment later today."

"That's wonderful!"

"It's all because of you. If you hadn't said anything to him I would never have been given this opportunity."

She shook her head. "Squall's quite selective in whom he chooses for a job. You must have fit the bill."

Nida laughed. "It's still all of your doing and I thank you for it." He stepped towards her and awkwardly pulled her into a hug. "I could kiss you too, but I won't, of course." His ears were red at the tips and he clung to her rather tightly.

She returned his embrace, surprised though she was by it, quit happy for him. Happy that he was finally getting to do what he had trained so hard for. But as she pulled away and studied his beaming face, she couldn't help but feel worried. It _had_ been a long time since he'd completed a mission. But still, his joy was so contagious that she laughed, although she ignored his comment on the kiss.

"You'll have to tell me all about it as soon as we find ourselves together again."

He stepped back, and she thought the look he gave her held some sort of meaning, one in which she wasn't ready to face. "Until we're together again," he repeated.

She didn't know why she felt so reluctant to leave, but it was time. Zell was waiting for her. "Goodbye and good luck." She kept her voice light, unwilling to shame him with her doubt. Besides, Squall valued Nida too dearly as a pilot to put him at any serious risk. The mission was likely an easy one."

Selphie and Irvine were suddenly there and hellos and goodbyes were quickly given and then the couple ran into the ship as she ran out. She turned and waved one last time at Nida and her friends, while standing next to Zell on the pavement. Together, they watched the Ragnarok take lift and soon it was nothing but a distant speck in the sky.

"Ready to go?" Zell asked.

"Of course."

Minutes later, she was back to her assignment of guarding Laguna. He seemed glad to see her, unable to keep from sending numerous smiles her way as they rode a plate lifter down from his apartments to the executive offices. He was dressed in his usual light blue linen shirt, khaki's and flip flops and she wished she had the nerve to ask why he wore the same thing every day.

When the door of his office was clicked shut behind them and they were alone, he sat down, leaned back into his chair and threw his legs up onto his desk.

"So, did you have a good weekend, Miss Trepe?"

"I thought you were going to call me Quistis?" she asked, taking a seat on the couch. She smoothed her hand over the warm, soft leather. It was good to be back.

"I wanted to make sure you were still cool with it," he grinned.

"I am," she said. "And yes, my weekend was lovely. And yours?"

He chuckled. "That Selphie...she's quite the character. For that matter, so is Irvine."

"I agree," she sighed, shaking her head.

"But I'm glad to see you back...and Zell, of course. While you know I like to while away my days chatting and generally not working, Selphie truly kept me from getting anything done. Although Sunday was rather nice. She kept me amused with her stories while we hung out at the pool. I learned a lot about SeeD and she told me a little about you, as well. I hadn't realized you were quite the child prodigy and also at one time an instructor."

Quistis grimaced. Selphie loved her, of course, but she also liked to poke fun at her, often calling her staid and straight-laced. She wouldn't even begin to envision the portrait Selphie had likely painted of her.

"I was an instructor long ago."

He raised a brow. "Three years is hardly that long ago."

"It feels like a lifetime." She sat up straight. "Right now I'm quite content. Someday, I may teach again, but for the moment, I'm just a well-paid, hard-working mercenary." She said this wryly.

"Do you like what you do?" he asked, his voice suddenly deepening into seriousness. Her eyes narrowed, wondering if he was judging her occupation. In this world of theirs, someone had to do the dirty work.

He dropped his legs to the floor and immediately sat up. "Quistis, it was just a question. I meant nothing by it. I'm grateful for SeeD."

She nodded. "Thank you. As for liking my work...truthfully, I don't know. I certainly don't dislike it." She remembered Squall's words from the night she was given that assignment. "It is what it is."

"I see."

"Do you?" she challenged him.

"In a way, yes. I have been the President of Esthar for almost as many years as you've been alive. Do I like it? I certainly don't dislike it. But then, unlike you, I know what else is out there and sometimes I miss it a great deal. It's in thinking of those things that I asked."

She waved that aside. "What do you miss the most?" she asked, trying to direct the attention off of herself. She really didn't wish to speak of being a SeeD. For a time, she'd always goaded Squall to share his thoughts and feelings, but deep down she realized she was no better at it than he. And the few times she'd tried had only turned into disasters.

But Laguna was different. The man certainly had no qualms in talking about himself. He cocked his head thoughtfully, and then leaned forward and brushed his leather journal with his thumb. "Wandering...not knowing where I'll end up next."

She snorted. "I'm well aware of what happens when you wander, Laguna. You find yourself lost."

His eyes grew dreamy and as she looked into them, she felt they were sucking her in, inviting her to share in his vision. "I like being lost. To stand surrounded in the vast emptiness of a plain, filled with flowers, alone with nothing but your thoughts. To hike up to the top of a mountain, unsure as to where the path back down has disappeared, but not caring in the least-stretching out your arms to the heavens and just wondering how the sky could be so blue. Blue..." He came back to her and his mouth tipped up. "And the people you meet when you stumble into a village, and the thrill you get discovering its name. Quistis, I miss that. I've been here in this palace for too many years."

He had spoken of knowing things out there-whatever that was supposed to mean-that she never would. But travel was not one of them. "I like to travel too. I've been many places and have always enjoyed that aspect of SeeD."

"But have you really seen those places you've visited, or were you too busy with your assignment to really soak in the area?"

She considered his question thoughtfully and conceded that he did have a point. "No, but I always look around for several seconds, storing everything that I can into my memory, convincing myself that one day I'll go back on my own time." She sighed. "Then my attention is drawn to my task and nothing else can supersede it."

"Thought so," he admitted. Then he brightened. "Did you get any books in Balamb?"

"Yes, but only two, although they are quite a bit larger than those of last week."

"Good! Well, I won't keep you from them any longer. I have work to make up for thanks to Miss Tilmitt," he said with a grin.

He bent his head to several papers on his desk, but every so often his eyes would wander and look at the clouds visible through his window, and several times, when she was engrossed in her reading, they would rest upon her.

After their conversation, she reached down into her bag and pulled out the first book Pet had given her, admiring the plain, maroon jacket that encased it, quite different from the scantily clad people portrayed on last week's paperbacks. Perhaps she and this book would suit. _Vanishing Time,_ it was called and she kept herself from glancing over its synopsis on the inside flap. What was the point? She was going to read it no matter what.

And read it she did. Within a handful of pages she was lost, whisked away to a faraway land where the heroine strove to make sense of her life, the terrible conflict she found herself in, and the possibility of love. Then she found love, and nearly even lost it, but once it was regained, she was whole.

It was three days later when Quistis closed the book with a sigh, pensive in what it had added to her life. Something inside of her hurt; ached that she had closed the door to that other, beguiling world. She wished it was hers, or even that she was the heroine herself. And then she wondered how a book written about her own life would read. Would others long to be her? Not likely, she decided. Sure, her life had all the initial trappings of a good story-she was a mercenary after all-but she herself was quite dull. Dull. Conforming. Afraid. A woman who hid from her fears by memorizing useless statutes and giving her entire life over to SeeD.

She stood and walked over to the window and looked out past the horizon. How was it that she lived an incredibly exciting, adrenaline-filled life, but it felt flat? Every mission was one and the same...except this one. She flinched. This one was making her think too much.

"Are you okay?" Laguna's voice was quiet and soothing against the rattling of her mind. She turned towards him, not surprised that he was watching her pace the length of the glass, appearing, she supposed, as a caged animal.

"I'm fine," she answered. Expressing her feelings and emotions and thoughts to another, or even herself, was something she was unfamiliar with. In the past, whenever she began to think upon muddy lines, she'd block the thoughts, pushing them inside until they were buried so deep they were easily forgotten. But right now she found she couldn't do it. Her head throbbed. Perhaps reading books wasn't really such a great idea.

"Doesn't look like it. What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Sure..." he said comically, but gently, just the same. Why was it whenever he looked at her, it was as if he could penetrate her to her very core and understand whatever he found? They were entirely two different people.

"You can tell me, you know? We're friends."

And they were, she realized. True, they barely knew each other, and there was much about him she could not approve, but the past few days they had spent in quiet companionship in his office had somehow linked them as such. They were friends and as she looked at him, she realized that he was someone she could practice easing up on herself with. That it would be safe.

But if they were friends, perhaps he could answer some questions of her own, because the book had opened up a great channel of them, and alone, she could barely control the flood.

"What is it like to be in love, Laguna?" she asked.

A shadow crossed over his face and he didn't answer right away. Of course the thought of love must be painful for him. Perhaps she had pushed too strongly and too early the bonds of his offered friendship. Raine-his wife; his dead wife. Did one ever really get over losing their loved one to the grave?

"It hurts," he finally said. "It hurts to hold someone so close to your heart knowing all the while they can be taken from you, or turn away on their own accord, or mock your love, or deny it, or even accept it...maybe not live up to your expectations. Love just hurts, but for whatever reason, it was worth it, despite the pain it left me in." He suddenly looked slightly embarrassed and he absentmindedly tugged on his hair. "I even wouldn't mind experiencing it again."

"But you never did after Raine?" She spoke the woman's name in a respectful whisper.

"No."

"Twenty years is a long time."

"Yes."

She grew hesitant. Laguna was a transparent man, hiding nothing from anyone. Indeed, she believed he would rip himself open if he thought it would help to heal another. She knew she shouldn't take advantage of such vulnerability, but found she couldn't help herself. "Did you ever try to find someone else?"

He smiled. "I've never been good at finding anything. Love found me. Will it find me again? Who knows? I'm well content either way."

"Are you?"

"I think so."

Adjusting back to his usual, goofy self, he winked at her. "What about you? Is there someone you love?"

He was very good at catching her off guard, not with his questions, but by how she liked him so very much. One minute he was playful, the next whimsical, but surprisingly, he often modulated into a man of much wisdom. She never knew what to expect.

His question was easy to answer. "There is no one. I once thought there was, but was only fooling myself. And I'm glad. Unlike you, I don't feel that the hurt would be worth it."

"No? And why's that?"

She suddenly felt angered, not at him, nor his question, but at the unease she felt inside. She was afraid of so much. "I live in a world of death, Laguna. We all try to cloak it, creating a semblance of normalcy at Garden, but we're all grasping for that which will take our minds off of our eventual fates. Many, if not most, use love, or even sex, to fill that void, but I'm not sure I can do the same." She knew it wasn't much of an answer, but it would have to do. And then she decided she had been stirred up long enough.

"I'm going to read now, okay?"

He nodded, but she saw the pain in his eyes. And it was for her.

Her next novel was pure erotica, quite enjoyable in its ridiculousness. The book worked rather well as a bandage over her wounds. It was impossible to brood over one's life while reading some most hysterical lines.

"I never would have pegged you for a giggler," Laguna interrupted her reading on Thursday afternoon.

She knew her cheeks were flushed; she could feel them burn, but the last sentence she'd read had really been too much. "This book is quite funny," she explained, "without intending to be so. The metaphors the author uses are quite imaginative."

"Will you share?"

Her blush deepened. "I'm not sure that I could." But then a mischievous thought struck her. What if she could make _him_ squirm? "Very well," she said primly. She sat up straight and began to read aloud. "His nude body was magnificent. His aroused sex jutted out like a delicious threat." She watched him choke while giggling pent up stores of mirth that she had held in check for years. The release felt wonderful, although it was a shame it had to be at his expense.

After he had taken several large gulps from a glass of water on his desk, he hung his head into his hands. "I'm speechless. And too embarrassed to meet your eyes."

"You asked for it, of course."

"I know," he groaned and then shuffled around some papers on his desk, making a show of his eagerness to engross himself in any form, law, or correspondence he could find. But after awhile, he quit his ruse, and looked up. "I like it when you giggle," he said and she suddenly felt very happy.

But she slid into her professional demeanor when there was a knock upon his door.

"Come in," Laguna called.

It was Evie, one of his secretaries.

"There's an important call for Miss Trepe. Will she take it in here?"

The fear asleep in her stomach jumped and threatened to choke her. One didn't receive personal phone calls on an assignment unless...She stood, heavy in her movements and stumbled over to the phone. Laguna stood as well and placed a hand on the small of her back, but she barely noticed.

"Line three," Evie whispered and then left.

She clicked the button and then picked up the receiver. "Yes?" she breathed.

It was Selphie. "Nida...he's dead."


	4. Chapter 4

The sky was dark, as there was no moon that night, but the hundreds of little candles, each held by a SeeD, cast a luminescent glow upon the grassy knoll. Flecked amongst the shadows, each mercenary was lost to his own private thoughts about life and death and what came after. This was the way SeeD paid their respect to those fallen. This was the only way they knew.

Nida was dead. Those three words had kept up a constant repetition inside of Quistis's head since the afternoon she'd received the news. Dead because he had been given an assignment per her request when he hadn't been ready for one after all. Her mind kept humming his death knell. And it hurt.

The flickering lights were beautiful, she thought, just as he had been. And sitting in the silence, she became aware that all was not silent after all. The crickets, the breeze, the rustling of leaves upon the trees, they all mourned alongside her.

One by one the candles burned out, and unspeaking, the others slipped away. But still she sat, even with her own flame extinguished, broken by the loneliness. And then she cried.

The tears seared her face with their heat-for the longest time they had refused to come at all-but as they began to flow, some of her sorrow began to drain away. Some, but not much.

After the call, she'd been dry-eyed when she'd slumped against Laguna, but also throughout the next day, insisting she was able to finish out her duty until the Ragnarok came to pick her up for the weekend. But later, when the horror, the reality and the guilt slammed her that Nida would not be there to take her home, in lieu of the tears begging to be shed, she'd only vomited amongst the clutching, steady hands of her friends.

But there in the darkness, lying face down and breathing in the scent of grass and dirt and life, the tears came, and they stayed for a very long time.

Hours later, she wiped them away before wandering over to a slender, silver fur. Leaning against it for support, she shivered and wrapped her arms about herself, not yet willing to go back inside to the glaring lights, or into the jocund atmosphere striving to mask the sadness, nor even to find comfort in the closeness of her friends. She wanted to be alone to think, this time putting up no barrier between her emotions and her mind.

If only she could regain some focus; it wasn't as if she'd never experienced the death of a fellow SeeD. But Nida had been special…he had loved her.

It was funny how she now realized it with the perfect, clear understanding brought upon by death. His love had been quiet and boyish, well content with the way things were between them as friends-never expecting anything _but_ her friendship. If there had been one man in all of SeeD whom she could have possibly given herself to, it would have been him. Although the realistic side of her, the part that the tragedy of his short life had not yet touched, knew it never would have happened. She hadn't been ready to give herself to anyone.

But life was short, after all. Perhaps she needed to go out and experience all it had to offer. Obviously, she'd already begun to unbend the ramrod straightness of her existence, but there was so much she wanted to yet experience, and still could...as long as it didn't interfere with her job, of course.

For starters, as soon as her assignment with Laguna was ended she was going to take a very long break. Her vacation time had accrued many weeks and she wouldn't let Squall talk her into taking on another mission instead of using them ever again.

There were so many places she wanted to see...to truly see. So many things to learn. She wanted to be like Laguna, able to soak in his surroundings and be at peace.

But there were more trivial things she was determined to change as well. She was going to wear her hair down and also her contacts more often. People didn't take her as seriously when she did-only stared at her face-but she didn't care any longer. She knew who she was. Why should she give a damn if no one else did?

Whatever book she wanted to read, she'd read. And she would allow herself to have fantasies, and dream and dream and dream. Even if she dreamt about a future that could never come to exist. Even if her dreams stung with their impossibilities.

She would smile and laugh and even tease. And yes, if she wanted, she would flirt. And dance. And skip when she walked. She grimaced. Maybe that would be a little too crazy, but no-she shook her head, gritting her teeth-she was going to skip into Garden right now.

So she did, realizing she appeared to be raving stark mad. Squall and Rinoa were standing near the gate waiting for her-had most likely been waiting for hours-but she skipped right past them not wanting to come face to face with Squall's accusing eyes. Flying by, all she saw was his shock, and it gratified her in some odd, soothing way.

Once inside the Lobby, however, when the humming fountains and the mindless chatter of her colleagues collided with the silence that had previously embraced her, she realized she wasn't yet ready to face the realities of her life. Even in that large, expansive room, the walls seemed to be pressing in.

So she headed to the Garage. Asking an attendant for the keys to one of the trucks, she hopped inside, backed it out and then madly tore down the road to Balamb Town, cranking up the music without even knowing, or caring, what it was. The windows were down, and the wind tossed and twirled the length of her hair, and for the first time ever, she didn't give a wit.

She realized that she liked to drive and that she liked to drive fast on that lonely stretch of road. But she found herself slowing the truck to a crawl when she saw the sea sweep into her vision and then parked it in front of the beach. Slipping out of the vehicle, she slowly made her way onto the sand.

The beach was empty and lonely, a perfect comrade for her present mood, but it was also dark and the waves eerie in their power. They seemed to cajole her to step into the water and wade out into its depths. The adrenaline drained out of her and she stilled, wondering what would happen if she obeyed their call. Death would be all around her, but...but it was life she longed to taste. Stepping back, she refused to let even the faintest lick of the sea lap about her feet.

There would be no cleansing of the waters for her. If not for her interference, Nida would still be alive.

Suddenly, she felt old and she ached all over, so she sat, lying back upon the sand to gaze up at the stars shrouded by the clouds. At least they would continue to shine on, night after night, year after year. But not so her friend.

She spent the time out there crying and reflecting and remembering until the parts of her past melded into dreams of her future. And she knew, she just knew, that her future was bleak. She would change it as much as she could, but ultimately, fate would have its way with her, and as always, fate would laugh. But for the moment, all she could do, all she wanted to do, was live.

When she entered Garden much later, it was well beyond curfew, so she crept quietly to her dorm. But as she turned down the dimly lit hall leading to her room, a cry split the silence and a shadowy figure flung itself into her arms. Rinoa was smothering her in a fierce embrace.

"I was so worried about you Quisty. I'd thought perhaps you'd... but I knew you could never...but then when you flew past us...And later when we found you'd taken a car..."

In her evident relief and elation, Rinoa wasn't making much sense, but Quistis had an idea of what she was trying to say and was chagrined to have stirred up such worry in her friend.

"Rinoa, I'm fine. I promise. I just went for a drive."

Rinoa's eyes grew teary, but she nodded. "I'd just never seen such a look on your face. You were like a totally different Quistis. Even Squall was concerned."

"Right," she replied dryly.

Rinoa shook her head. "Actually, he was. He and Zell are out looking for you now. I need to call them and let them know you're safe."

Evidently her rash exit had caused quite a disturbance, but it was a worthwhile lesson on the eve of her learning to let go. Perhaps she would reign in her new impulses just a little. There was a fine line between fulfilling one's desires and living selfishly and she didn't wish to tread upon her friend's emotions and concerns.

"Tell them I'm sorry. I really wasn't thinking."

Rinoa smiled. "They'll just be glad to know you're okay. Especially Squall." She grew somber. "His concern for you goes beyond your leaving tonight. He wanted to speak to you about Nida."

"Rinoa, he and I can't talk of it yet. You cannot know the guilt I feel."

Rinoa's warm, brown eyes softened. "I have an idea as I'm helping Squall to carry his. Quistis, obviously he can't give you the particulars, but the mission was supposed to have been quick, easy and safe. What happened was beyond the scope of possibility, but it happened nonetheless. Squall couldn't have foreseen it and neither could you when you asked that Nida be given a chance."

Quistis nodded, trying with all of her heart to believe what her friend said, but realized it would take many days, weeks, or even years before the guilt abated. And she knew that Rinoa realized this as well. She was hugging her again, rubbing her hands up and down her back.

"Go get some rest," she said. "I'll wait up for the guys. You're back to Esthar tomorrow and we need you fresh and alert. And me? I'm here all the time with not much to do." She laughed softly and pushed Quistis through her door. Quistis turned to contemplate her friend, finding strangeness in her words and for a moment wondered if all was not perfect in Rinoa's world either. But the look on her face told her it was.

"Thank you," she finally whispered and went in to bed.

* * *

><p>Laguna was worried about her. She could sense it in every glance he passed her way, in everything he said, but mostly in the things he left unspoken and by Monday afternoon, she was tired of being treated like a porcelain doll.<p>

"Laguna, I'm fine." She was lying of course, but only she needed to know that. Besides, she was quickly on her way to becoming fine, and the last thing she wanted was for someone to remind her of what had passed. She needed to move on.

"You may think you are, but I disagree."

She cocked her head in frustration, holding his gaze for several seconds. He colored.

"I know you're wondering who I think I am by disagreeing with you. But I don't know, you just look different. Sad, but also sort of brittle."

"Excuse me?"

"Well, you've always been a little hard, but now you seem to be flaking off." He bit his lip. "Um, sorry. That was probably rude."

She snorted. "As a matter of fact, I feel that Nida's death has freed me. If anything I'm softer now, willing to be a little more pliable. I plan on trying to enjoy life a little more instead of always worrying over duty."

"That's good, of course. But relax and be natural in it. Don't grab at life like a bull does his horns, or whatever. You know what I mean."

"I'm not sure that I do."

"I can just see it in your eyes. You look wild and unsettled. And driven."

"I-"

He shook his head. "Just take a deep breath. Watch me." He inhaled and exhaled slowly, motioning for her to do the same. When she declined and instead gave him her sourest of looks, he laughed. "Breathing is imperative to life, Quistis. Just remember that."

"Right."

He chuckled, balled up a piece of paper and sent it hurtling through the room towards her head. It missed its mark and landed at her feet. She glowered at him, but he smiled his sweetest smile.

"I like your new do."

"What?"

"Your hair. It looks nice."

Glory then knocked on his door to inform him that his two o'clock appointment had arrived. While Quistis stood to take her place at Laguna's back, he drummed briefly on his desk, trying to remember with whom he was supposed to meet.

"Arya Bellinni." His secretary was quick to remind him.

He groaned. "Oh yeah. I forgot. Send her in, please."

"Who is she?" Quistis asked before his guest arrived.

"Only the most beautiful woman in all the land, who knows it and uses it to gain herself whatever she wants. And Quistis...I just don't wish to lose."

"She sounds fascinating," she replied dryly, but was curious in what he meant. He had the tendency to be a little vague at times, but there was obviously no time to ask.

He shuddered. "Just watch my back."

"Of course."

Arya Bellinni was sensual. Never had Quistis seen the meaning of the word so defined in living, breathing flesh and blood. And in Laguna, she saw a man's response.

When Glory ushered her in, the room was suddenly enveloped in a cloud of scent-soft, lovely, bringing to mind an endless field of flowers. And Arya danced, yet she only walked, over to Laguna's desk where he stood looking bemused and a little scared.

Her beautiful red mouth parted open into a smile and she daintily held out her hand for his grasp, tilting her head ever so slightly as to allow the dark wave of curls to cascade over her breast.

"Mr. President, it's so kind of you to see me," she said, her voice not too low, nor too high, but a perfect, lilting pitch-a mixture of shyness, yet confidence; sweet, but earthy.

She allowed her hand to linger in his longer than he seemed comfortable with, yet he held it tightly and looked at it helplessly as if he didn't quite know what to do until she withdrew.

"May I sit?" she asked.

"Yes. Um, of course. Please sit." He hurriedly pulled out a chair, wincing as its leg got caught up in the leg of another. With furrowed brow, he battled the entanglement. "Do, um, sit. I mean, _please_ sit," he said, as soon as he'd won.

He then rushed into his own chair and from above and behind him, Quistis glimpsed him rubbing his leg. Typical Laguna, she thought. Then she realized he had forgotten to introduce her as his bodyguard which was definitely atypical. Certainly Arya paid her no mind.

"Thank you," she sweetly replied, pulling a piece of paper out of a scarlet silk purse, the perfect shade to match her dress. Pausing for a moment, she made a show of studying several lines written upon it before raising her face to look into his, her fingers absently caressing the stationary, brushing light circular strokes over her embossed initials. Laguna stared at her hand and several times cleared his throat.

A small smile tweaked the corners of her mouth and Quistis was certain the woman knew what she was about, was a master in giving every movement a subtle purpose. With nothing else to do, Quistis decided to use the time to learn a valuable lesson in feminine wiles. She might never have such an instructor again.

"I came by to briefly fill you in on some last minute details. The children are quite excited that you've agreed to host this event with me. They love you so."

Laguna nodded. "They're great kids. Um, when is the dinner?"

A silvery, tinkling laugh escaped her throat. "This Thursday." She looked at him archly. "You won't forget, will you? I'd hoped that you cared enough about the children to remember, even without the help of your assistants, but I see I'd hoped in vain. And of course my presence would hardly be of any thought..." Her dimples smiled coquettishly.

But he did not return it and Quistis suddenly realized that he had not smiled once. It was so unlike him, but she figured he was too lost in her appeal to act much like himself. He was speaking. "I'm not the best at remembering stuff like that, no matter how much the cause means to me. But I, and the orphanage, am grateful for your help. We couldn't have hoped for a better friend. There's no worries that I won't show. I will, trust me."

"Of course." For several minutes more, Arya spoke of the event, and in her fervor, exaggerated or not, leaned forward, allowing the desk to softly push up her breasts. Only the barest trace of curvature was presented, but it offered a tantalizing glimpse as to what lay underneath the softness of silk that was her dress. Quistis could see a small patch of sweat dampening Laguna's back. The poor president was having a rough time with _this_ meeting.

When their meeting was finished, Laguna stood and walked Arya over to the door. "I'll see you Thursday evening," he said politely.

"Lovely. I look forward to it. Come early?" she said, placing her hand over his chest for a brief moment. He nodded and ushered her out.

Once she departed, the office seemed to drain of all color.

"So that was Arya Bellinni?"

"Yes, he replied absently.

"Are you wishing to go after her?" Quistis asked, raising a brow. He was still standing at the door as if something appeared to be bothering him.

He shuddered. "No. If anything, when she's around I wish to run away."

"I find that hard to believe. She's beautiful and clearly wants you. For what more could a man ask?"

He finally turned and looked at her and his smile was faint, but it was back. "Much, much more."

"But you can't deny that you find her incredibly attractive."

"No, I can't." He looked away, but she was glad, as a burning began to brand the inside of her chest and she was sure the pinched look on her face would be taken for jealousy. Not that it was, of course.

"I don't really want to talk about her, okay?" he was saying to the air.

Neither, really, did she. Yet at the same time she wished to speak of nothing else.

"Will you talk of the orphans?"

This time his smile was filled with its usual brightness. "Of course. They're great kids. Several years ago, the Hope Orphanage was founded, and I like to get over there and hang out whenever I can. The orphanage is not lacking in funds; this event is to remind others that they're there and to hopefully encourage adoption. The kids are preparing a little show." His eyes crinkled when they laughed. "They're so cute. We've never done anything like this before, but felt we needed to try something as adoption rates are low."

"So you're a president who concerns himself with orphans," she stated with a smile.

"Well, after Ellone...and Squall." He shook his head. "I'm grateful to Edea for providing a home...for taking care of them. And I love children. They make me feel young."

"Which you are."

"Only at heart," he grinned.

She shook her head with a sigh. "No, you're young and I'm old, Laguna. Very, very old."

His smile this time was gentle. "Quistis, that statement screams your youth more than anything you've ever said."

He knew nothing about it. But still, she quickly changed the subject.

"And Arya? She loves orphans too?"

He shrugged. "Somehow she took over the event. She's very good at such things-comes from one of Esthar's oldest, richest and most respected families. She has a kind heart and I'm sure she wants to help the children as badly as I. It's just that..." His voice trailed away and he sighed. "I can't really talk about it."

She nodded and watched him return to his desk. He wasn't languishing for the woman, that much was certain, but there was obviously something going on. Quistis wondered what it was and why the thought of Arya in his arms was incredibly distasteful.

But then, perhaps it was time she also grew honest with herself. Laguna _was_ much older than her but every time she looked at him, she couldn't help but think that he was the most physically appealing man she had ever rested-or feasted-her eyes upon.

"You were with Edea too?" he was asking her and it took her a moment to remember of what they had been talking of.

She nodded. "And with Squall and Ellone."

"And then you went to Balamb?"

"I think so, although my memories are quite hazy. I don't remember much between then and my preteen years." She lightly tapped her skull. "The Guardian Forces, you know?"

It was his turn to nod. "Will you tell me a little of what you do remember?" he asked like a man thirsty for a drink. So she sat on the couch and told him story after story of her earlier days growing up by the sea. She was able to make him laugh through her tales of the Orphanage Gang, but when she wrapped them up with Ellone's leaving and Squall's sudden introversion, he sighed.

"There's so much that I regret, Quistis. Although I tell myself I was powerless to do any differently."

There wasn't much that she could say to ease his mind. Years before, she'd witnessed flashbacks of his history in the dream world, so she knew how much life had run over him. That he'd remained such a positive, warmhearted person was surprising, especially when contrasted to the way his son dealt with things. Of course Rinoa had been able to awaken some level of feeling in Squall-he was much easier to bear now that she was in his life-but he still kept much of himself apart from others, was still often cold. Laguna had experienced loss more than Squall ever had, but lived so beautifully and so much in service to others...of which his pouring love into a group of children not his own was just the tiniest of examples.

While she had been speaking, he'd wandered over to the window and was looking out of it. He wasn't looking up at the clouds as usual, nor down upon the city. Instead, his gaze was fixed forward and he seemed to be staring out across the plains, possibly even beyond to the ocean. What was it that he saw? she wondered. Was it the timeline of his regrets and failures, wishing they could be erased?

When she realized there was nothing more for her to say, but that still something could be done, she stood and tiptoed over to his side. The minute her shoulder brushed his, he looked down at her, startled that she was standing so close. Except for the time he had reached out to touch her hair, all physical contact between them had been nonexistent. She was not a woman taken to touching, but for whatever reason, she longed to touch him.

"You couldn't have known how it would turn out. It's not your fault. Just like it wasn't my fault that Nida died, right? How could I have known..."

Hugging Laguna was not like hugging Selphie, Rinoa or Xu. He smelled different, was harder, his arms around her more tentative. How she found herself there, she really didn't know, but it seemed like it wasn't only she who had placed them in that position. He too had sought the closeness.

"It wasn't your fault, Quistis. And I know it wasn't mine either. I can remember that most of the time, but still the hurt is there-and the doubt that comes every so often. Just try to send it on its way."

They stood, locked together for what seemed like forever and while she felt content, there were stirrings within her she knew she wanted to face. Was ready to face. Thoughts of Nida's death made her cling more fiercely to life. And there was no one who embodied life like Laguna Loire.

Her head was resting against his chest and she could hear the quick pulse of his heart beating, delighting in how it accelerated its tempo when he dared to tighten his arms around her. She swallowed. Asking him would be no easy thing, but if ever there was a perfect moment, it would be now.

"Laguna?" she asked and was amazed at the deepening color of his eyes when she said his name. Perhaps this would be easy. While he had wanted Arya Bellinni, she saw that he wanted her as well.

"Yes?"

"Will you sleep with me?"

Shocked, he took a step back. "What?"

* * *

><p>AN For whatever reason this was the hardest chapter to write…and I'm several in already. Ugh. If it sucks, I'm terribly sorry, but it's been plaguing me now for months (It take a very long before I'm satisfied with anything I post) and I just wanted to get it up on here and move on.

But thanks to everyone who has read my story so far…and especially to those who've reviewed. I appreciate it from the bottomestness of my heart! And it's always nice to hear when people actually like this favorite pairing of mine. I think I'm a little in love with Laguna myself. Totally weird, I know.

Hope you enjoyed!


	5. Chapter 5

"Will you sleep with me?" The second time she asked, the boldness deserted her and the volume of her request splintered in half. The way he was staring slack-jawed and confused was certainly not encouraging.

"I think I need to sit." He extended a hand out to touch her, but then let it drop to his side before it could graze her sleeve. "I'm kinda dizzy. Did it all of a sudden get hot in here?" His laugh was definitely forced.

Then he was gone, leaving her foolishly standing at the window while little tears of mortification pricked and played with her vision. But what had she honestly expected his response to be?

"Quistis?" He asked from a safer distance across the room. She refused to turn around. When she also refused to answer, he sighed. "Why do you wish to sleep with me?"

She wished she could laugh and say she'd only been joking, but the ruse wouldn't hold as he already knew she wasn't one to joke. All she could be was honest.

"Because I want to know what it's like," she answered quietly.

"With me?"

He sincerely appeared astonished that she would choose him as a lover, but that was what she most liked about him. That a woman desired him would hardly ever enter his head; it was almost as if he never looked into a mirror, or even failed to understand that for many his being the president of Esthar would draw considerable interest. Or that he was so warm and kind that a girl might wish for it to radiate upon herself.

"Yes."

"Oh." He too was quiet for several minutes. She hurriedly dabbed away her tears-crying in front of another, especially a man, was not her way-and retreated to her spot on the couch. She wondered what he was thinking and if he was even a little disgusted. Asking him had been a crazy, nonsensical idea.

And it really wasn't that important. Sure she was curious, but if she died untouched, what of it? Certainly the thought of never experiencing physical intimacy had failed to bother her before; but the novels, Nida's death, close quarters with this unusual, yet attractive man who always seemed to be looking inside of her...everything was messing with her head.

"Quistis?" She looked up and saw him studying her. He was always studying her. Why couldn't he leave it alone? Or at the very least be more discreet about it? But then perhaps she was being unfair. He cared about her.

Of course he probably cared about everyone...

He was blushing. "Wouldn't you prefer to wait until you fall in love?" he asked. "It's just that, um, well...it's a rather loving sort of thing to do."

"Fall in love?" She almost laughed at the idea. "That's not likely to happen."

"You don't know that."

"You're right, but odds are I won't." Straightening, she looked ahead, trying to remain as impassive as possible. What shadows darkened her mind were so hard to share or explain, but with him perhaps she would try.

"Sometimes-no, of late, most of the time-I feel that I don't have much longer to live. This assignment, you know, has been a joke."

He flinched and she hurried to correct her mistake. "Not a joke, but easy. Actually, it's been a nice reprieve from the storm. Usually Squall sends me into the worse, most nightmarish situations and I'm always amazed when I make it home."

"And I suppose your friend's death last week has upped your forebodings?"

She nodded in acquiescence. "Yes."

"Were you in love with him?" he asked delicately. Nida's face sprung into her vision and as he had often been in life, he was laughing. Nida, she realized, would have grown into a man much like the president.

"Not in love with him, no, but I loved him as a friend."

"You do realize," he encouraged, "that you could easily live a full life. Many a time I've run into an old mercenary or soldier eager to tell harrowing stories of his youth."

"I know, it's just that-"

"You're a pessimist?"

"No!" Why couldn't he just listen? If it was his habit to look deeply inside of her then he should let her try to explain what she already knew was there.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't mean to be an ass."

She shook her head; it was now pounding and there was ringing in her ears. And somewhere in the distance, yet out of time, or maybe it was just in her memory, she heard Ultimecia's seductive laugh, mocking her for being what she was. For being one of the chosen to put an end to her fate. And the sorceress laughed that despite being so strong, Quistis's fate would be the same. Death. A fitting end for a SeeD.

Laguna was suddenly at her side and he was pulling her from her mind, grasping her face in both hands, and forcing her to dive into his through the emerald pools of his eyes. Eyes such an impossible shade of green.

"Quistis," he crooned her name softly and from a distance, or deep within herself-she wasn't sure exactly where-she wondered if he could sing. And if he could, was the timbre of his voice as deep as it now seemed?

"Tell me."

She nodded and he dropped his hands from her face. "Okay," she said, but it took her a moment before she began to explain. It was something she'd never spoken of to anyone, ashamed that she'd even give it such credence in the first place. And yet she did. She really did.

He sat down beside her, and for a moment she stole the opportunity to lay her head against his shoulder, luxuriating in the comfort that suddenly overwhelmed her. If she were to tell him the ridiculous torment of her mind she might as well bare all her weaknesses. And right now she was weak in her desire to be close to another.

Yet she really disliked any sort of vulnerability. And years before, with Squall, she'd learned a valuable lesson. Giving a man an inside to your hurt and pain was never truly appreciated.

"It's not much, really." She jerked her head upright.

"I think that yes, it is." He squeezed her hand. "Quistis, you can trust me."

She could...and he truly seemed concerned. "Okay," she said. "Thank you."

"You could always put your head back on my shoulder. I wouldn't mind."

She ignored that, but began her story. "During the battle with Ultimecia, towards the end, we were all near death and unconscious except for Squall who was still valiantly fighting on. Although I was out cold, Ultimecia was able to speak into my conscious, painting a picture of the horrors I would soon experience, trapped in time, a slave to her bidding." She paused and took a deep breath. "But then her voice came to a lull as she suddenly found herself having to fight Squall the more fiercely. He was winning and she finally realized it.

"Then she was dead, but she wasn't quite dead, not having yet transferred her powers and we all found ourselves alone in a void...lost." She smiled a little. "But we had your words, that we needed to hold close and remember our friends in order to find our way back. I recalled them and tried to do just that. But she wanted me to stay in that emptiness-for us all to remain there, really-so her voice continued on and on in my head, painting and foretelling my future to show me that with her I was much better off.

"I-I can still hear her final words clearly. 'Beautiful SeeD,' she said, 'My kold, beautiful SeeD who's shackled to a life of killing and death. You fight it, yet it will swallow you whole. Death is koming and soon you will taste it for an end.' She then laughed and laughed, but I ignored her, longing only to get home.

"But later her words haunted me and I've known for awhile that I don't have long to live. And every mission I go on, every assignment I undertake, I wonder if it is my last...the one that will finally set me free."

After she'd spoken, she bowed her head and he sat there silently for several minutes. Absently he took a strand of her hair and began to rub it between his fingers, which she decided she liked very much.

"That's quite a story," he finally said. "But I don't really trust her as a prophetess or diviner of the future and neither should you. Had she _that_ power, she would have seen her own failure and turned from her path long before she actually took it. No one can see the future, Quistis. We can make predictions, but that's it."

"But I can't shake the feeling..."

He drew her into his side. "Maybe the feeling was her desired result. Maybe her revenge was to plant her own seeds of fear inside of you, predicting that one day they'd blossom into this very outcome."

"Perhaps, but even if they were nothing but words, the reality of my job is-"

"Let's not talk of it," he said abruptly. "I don't like to think of you as cold, dead...crawling with worms." His chuckle ended with a shudder.

"But that's how you already see me."

"That's hardly how I see you."

"I meant as dead, or at the very least half alive. Or like a machine. I've read it on your face numerous times and I know you've longed to change that in me." She laughed softly. "The books were one way of doing it. Can't you take my awakening a little further?"

She had him there; she could see it, but he gallantly fought her off. "In no way have I ever thought you...dead," he disagreed. "I just wanted you to let loose and live a little."

"Help me live more."

He groaned.

"Please?"

"Quistis, I haven't been with a woman in a very long time. After my wife, it took only a few times to realize without feelings it's empty."

She recoiled and pulled away, trying to put space between them on the couch. "Oh. I understand, of course."

"Actually, I don't think you do."

"No, it's okay. It really is. If you don't want to have meaningless sex with me it's quite understandable."

"I don't want to have meaningless sex," he agreed. "I would want there to be deep feeling and commitment between us. I won't sleep with a woman for anything less.

"That's quite noble of you," she said stiffly. He laughed and finally let her loose.

"Not really. And Kiros and Ward think I'm foolish. If they even knew what I'd just passed up-"

"You won't tell them?" Quistis was now aghast.

"No! Of course not. I would never do that to you."

"I feel so stupid."

He leaned closer once again. "Don't. You cannot know how intensely flattered I am right now. Not to mention, I'll probably be kicking myself tonight for turning down the opportunity." He picked up her hand and rested it in his own. "It's been a long, long time Quistis and you are a very beautiful woman."

She blushed a little under his gaze and his eyes softened. "Of course," he said lightly, "we could always see if any sort of feeling-or commitment- grows between us." He was suddenly very close, his lips only a hands width from hers.

"That would be quite improper as you're my client."

He drew back with a laugh, dropping her hand in the process. "And asking me to sleep with you isn't?"

"Well, it's a lesser offense than falling in love."

"Or maybe it's a greater one."

She was silent for a moment before she again spoke. "I shouldn't have asked. I'm sorry."

"Don't be. You've kinda made my day."

Sitting next to him was really too much, talking as candidly as they were. She didn't need the warmth of his body beside her infiltrating her mind with improper thoughts, but she couldn't force herself to move away. In a contrary way, his refusal made her want him even more.

"So it's a no?"

"Yes," he nodded, but then quickly shook his head. "I mean no...it's a no. But..." She couldn't help but laugh a little at his confusion and he smiled wryly-his dear, sweet, wonderful smile that was suddenly hinting that there was something he wished to ask of _her._

"What is it?"

"Would you consider buying a very pretty dress and coming with me as my date to the orphan's dinner Thursday night?"

Startled, she stilled, wondering what the SeeD statutes would say to the likes of _that._ Sleeping with a client was bad enough, but it could be done under wraps. But to actually go out publicly with one...Squall would frown upon it, she was sure. And a dress? She wore skirts often. Nice business-like, A-line skirts. But a dress?

"Come on! It will be fun. Besides, I thought you sort of wanted to let loose?"

"Aren't you supposed to be Miss Bellinni's date?"

"Well, technically we're just hosting this shindig together. And while I'm sure that our being there together is implied in her head, it's definitely not in mine. Let's just say with you as my date, I'd be getting out of a very sticky situation."

"Why sticky?"

"I don't want to talk about it, remember?" he grinned. "But trust me, it would help me out a lot."

It only took her a moment to consider his request. Who cared what Squall thought anyway? "Okay. I'll do it. And tonight, as soon as I hand you over to Zell, I'll go shopping for a dress."

He grinned. "You really can't know how much this means to me."

Standing up, he reached down and pulled her to her feet. She finally noticed that her hands were trembling, but then, she realized, so were his. No matter how lighthearted he'd been rebuffing her, it hadn't been as easy as he'd tried to make it seem. No, Laguna Loire wasn't indifferent to her in the least...nor she to him.

He reached up and with one finger stroked her cheek before letting it trail down to lightly brush her lips. "You are so beautiful," he murmured, a tad shyly. "And I-and I'm honored-no that sounds stiff. Just don't worry about..." He shook his head. "There's nothing you can't ask of me. I care about you a lot."

And she saw that he meant it, that his feelings were possibly deeper than she'd even imagined.

"I think it's time to go," he murmured. "My secretaries will be wondering what's keeping us."

Clearing her throat and regaining her composure, she regally straightened. "Of course. Let me grab my things."

But a minute later, as he reached for the doornob, she laid a hand on his shoulder. "Laguna," she said. "Thank you. You're a very good friend."

His face was inscrutable. "So are you."

* * *

><p>Shopping for a gown required more courage than facing a formidable enemy on the field of battle. Quistis wished that the dinner had been scheduled the following week; Rinoa's presence would have been most helpful on such a mission. As General Caraway's daughter, <em>she<em> knew how to gear up, having often attended such functions with her father. But then, if Rinoa knew, she'd most likely tell Squall. And if Squall found out, he'd summon Quistis back to Balamb as quickly as the Ragnarok could fly.

"May I help you?" A large-nosed store clerk sniffed before appraising Quistis up and down. While waiting for Laguna to go over several papers with Glory prior to leaving that afternoon, Quistis had asked Eva where the best place to purchase formal attire was. Eva had eagerly suggested _Madame's,_ assuring it was where the wealthiest of Esthar shopped. Eva had forgotten, however, to mention the the snobbery of the clerks.

"Yes, thank you. I'd like to try these on."

"Only established patrons are allowed to try on our frocks."

"I assure you I will be purchasing a _frock_ this evening, not having time to shop around. So please, show me to the dressing room."

"One moment." The woman exhaled a second-and much more startling-sniff before marching over to confer with another shopkeeper. The other woman regarded Quistis thoughtfully for a moment, but then her eyes lit up. Murmuring something in a low tone to Big Nose, she then stepped forward.

"You would like to try these on?" she asked pleasantly.

"Yes." The waiting was becoming tiresome. There was much to occupy her mind tonight and she didn't want to get back to Laguna's at a late hour. She had to work the next day, after all.

"Come with me."

Ushering Quistis to the dressing rooms, the clerk made polite conversation. "I'm sorry about Buffy. She didn't know who you were, but I recognized your uniform right away. You're SeeD, right?"

Quistis nodded. "Yes."

"You're quite welcome here...Esthar is indebted to your organization, after all." She unlocked a door and gestured Quistis to enter. "If there is anything further I can help you with, please let me know. My name is Lei."

"Thank you, Lei." Quistis hesitated. "But actually, there is. Will you give me your candid opinion on what I try on tonight? I'm not exactly sure what to look for."

"Where are you going?"

"To a dinner being held for the Hope Orphanage."

"Ah, yes! Several ladies have been in to buy gowns for the same event. We'll find the perfect thing."

The three gowns that Quistis had initially chosen were quickly discarded. Lei was an honest saleswoman and took Quistis's request quite seriously. Quistis could see she desired to know further details about why she was going to the event and with whom, but resisted all urges to pry. Neither did Quistis offer any information.

Lei was exclaiming over a backless, silk gown of dusky rose when Quistis heard a smart laugh come from behind. "That's definitely the one. Better than those others you've tried on." In the reflection of the mirror she'd been dreamily gazing into, she spotted Xu inclined against a wall. Apparently, she'd been too preoccupied trying on dresses to notice someone slip in from behind. But then Xu could be quiet when she wished.

"You like it?" she asked easily, not wanting to draw any undue attention toward their meeting.

"Yes."

Lei smiled. "It looks stunning on her, doesn't it?"

"I've never seen her look better," Xu agreed. "She's going to take it." She turned to Quistis. "Aren't you?"

Quistis nodded and then slipped into the stall to take it off, carefully handing it over to Lei who then left to have it pressed.

"How did you know I was here?" Quistis asked as soon as she and Xu were alone.

"It was pure chance." Xu lowered her voice . "I was out scouting for a drop location when I saw you, so I followed you in here." She grinned. "Can you believe of all the chances, I would find you in a city of millions? And in a snooty dress shop for that matter?"

Quistis nodded, giving her a tight smile. "Did you find one?"

"Yes, here..." Xu handed her a small slip of paper with an address and then took a small envelope out of her pocket. "Will you give this to Squall? It'll save us time."

Quistis took it from her. "Of course."

"But now onto the interesting stuff! So what are you doing buying a dress anyway?" Xu marked their surroundings, sat down on a plush, crimson setee and with grinning exaggeration, wagged her brows.

"Oh, there's an event Laguna...I mean, President Loire is attending and I needed something to wear."

"Mmm. And your dress uniform wouldn't suffice?"

A rosy-red slapped her cheeks. Xu knew her too well, and unfortunately, any lie she fabricated would be known as such. "I'm going as his date. Zell will be guarding him."

"His date?"

"Yes, as a favor. There's this woman after him he doesn't wish to-"

Xu crossed her legs and leaned forward. "You're dating the president? This is a rather quick, but most fascinting developement."

"We're not dating. I'm just his date for the evening."

Xu's eyes could be far too penetrating-there'd been times she'd hated those eyes-and as always, it was impossible to dissimulate before her friend. "Maybe, but I can see you like him."

"I do n-"

"Don't bother denying it. I can see right through you, you know? And this is good. Very good. An older man, eh? That's exactly what you need."

"Xu!" Quistis hissed.

"What?"

"The saleswoman will soon be back. Quiet!"

Xu shook her head. "Fine, I need to leave anyway. Just be good, okay?" Then she giggled. "Screw that. Just have some fun for once."

She stood and squeezed Quistis's waist while brushing her smooth cheek against hers. "It was good running into you. I hate it whenever we're both on separate missions. I wish Squall would have chosen me for your end instead of Zell." She winked. "I could have helped you snare the Pres-"

"Shhhhh!"

Xu laughed. "But it's lovely being with Xander."

Quistis sighed. "I'm sure it is. Tell him I said hi."

"I will. But Quistis," she sobered. "I wish I could have been there with you last weekend. I was sorry to hear about Nida. He was a really great guy."

Quistis closed her eyes. "I know."

"But he died happy, finally doing what he wanted. We all knew how hard it was for him to always be left behind."

Quistis pulled away and Xu frowned.

"It's what he wanted, Quistis."

"He didn't want to die."

"Everyone dies. It's the risk we all take. He knew that just as well as you or I."

"I know, but-"

"No buts." Lei was coming back with the gown covered in plastic and draped over her arm. She looked at the two girls curiously and Xu took it as her cue to leave. "We'll talk when this is all over," she said, heading towards the entrance. After taking several steps, however, she stopped and looked over her shoulder. "And that dress made you look smoking hot!" she winked. "You better wear it. Don't go all-" her eyes took on a naughty gleam. "Chicken wuss, got it?"

Quistis glared at her friend, but when Xu only cheekily saluted her, she tossed her head. "Fine," she said, and then followed Lei to examine some shoes.

Chicken wuss, indeed.

An hour later, upon opening the door to Laguna's apartment, Quistis was greeted by a shouted expletive and booming laughter from further within. Laguna and Zell were apparantly entertaining themselves well. A tart insult began to overlap the jocularity, which was easily recognizable as Kiros Seagill's. Ward was likely there as well.

Deciding the racket was originating in the dining area, she went to investigate and soon entered a pungeant, billowing cloud. Tucking the plastic firmly around her dress to make sure the fabric was secure from the onslaught of smoke, she rounded the corner and spied the four men sitting around a table, cards in hand and cigars dangling from their mouths. Several beer bottles were scattered amongst their playing space.

"I fold," Zell spat. "I suck at this game."

"It's alright. So does Laguna," Kiros snickered. An odd, grunting noise escaped Ward.

"Hey, man. I won the last game."

"We let you do that from time to time. If we don't, you'll refuse to play and we want your money."

"Like you need it."

"You have more. Besides, its always a good time watching you bluff."

"Hey! I'm a great bluffer and-"

"Good evening, gentleman," Quistis interrupted, smiling when the room instantly went still. "I could smell you from a mile away. Well, that and hear the cursing."

"Sorry about that!" Laguna stood.

"I'm used to it."

"Do you want to join us?" he asked, looking around at the other guys for support. But they refused to meet his eyes. Apparently her presence was unwelcome.

For a moment she thought she'd stay just to be contrary. She was an excellent card player and the thought of taking Kiros down a peg or two was tempting. But remembering her dress, and how smoky it really was, she declined. Besides, it was obviously a guy's night, and to her surprise she realized she didn't want to be considered one of the guys.

"I'm pretty tired, but thanks. Shopping always exhausts me."

Laguna noticed her purchase cradled in her arms and his face lit up. "So you found something?"

"Yes. I hope it will suit. The clerk seemed to think it would."

"I'm sure it's perfect."

"What's this?" Zell asked.

Quistis knew he would have to know soon enough, but she was a little reluctant to tell him. He knew SeeD protocul as well as she, although he was more prone to flaunt it.

"Quistis is coming with me to the Hope Orphanage event."

"Wasn't I-" Zell asked in confusion.

"I'm his date Zell. You're still on duty that night."

He stared at her blankly for a moment. "Oh! Well, uh, cool! But what'll Squall think?"

"We're not going to tell him."

Zell's lightning tatoo quivered. Suddenly he was laughing. "Nah, we aren't. What old Squally boy don't know won't hurt him. Besides," he turned to Laguna, "Quistis is in desperate need of a little fun."

Apparently the entire world seemed to think so.

"Zell-"

"You know you are. Plus I don't think I've ever seen you in a girly sort of dress. Could prove interesting." He cocked his head thoughtfully. "Hmm, I'm not even sure if I've ever seen your legs."

Laguna gave her a very wide smile.

"My dress is floor-length," she announced tartly.

"Why? I bet they're pretty sexy and-"

With a huff, she began to say goodnight when she noticed an odd look settling upon Kiros's face. Was it displeasure? He was trying to hide it, taking swigs from his beer and looking away. She wondered if he was like Squall, not one to bend the rules.

"Well, I'm going to go..." she said, shifting uncomfortably. "Good night."

"Laguna," she heard Kiros say moments later when he evidently thought she was out of earshot. "Are you sure about this?"

"Yes."

"And Arya?"

"You know it's for the best. Maybe you can make your move."

Kiros's voice was bitter. "You'll still be there."


	6. Chapter 6

"It's good to have you here with me," Laguna whispered during a short lull in conversation, a pause between the continuous ebb and flow of those desiring to speak to him. "You look beautiful."

Quistis smiled up at him. "I think that's the tenth time you've said that."

"It's really all I'm thinking about," he winked.

"Sure..."

"I am," he protested.

"Well, try to remember the reason you're here...the orphans," she chided, but she wasn't entirely unaffected. For whatever reason, she liked his appreciation for her looks. There was nothing leering or suggestive in his admiration, only an old-fashioned courtesy a man might exhibit towards a woman.

And his courtesy and treatment of her extended well beyond simple compliments. During the three days that had passed since she'd asked him to sleep with her, he had been as friendly, open and respectful as before.

But he'd also maintained a physical distance. And peeking at him from behind her books when she knew he was preoccupied by other things, she couldn't help but daydream a little about what could have been, entirely blaming it on her reading material, of course.

He looked amazing tonight dressed in a tux, and he gave the impression that he wore his clothes comfortably, even when she knew they weren't comfortable at all-he'd been grumbling about it the entire way there. And his hair was down and she was having a hard time keeping her fingers from reaching out to smooth the strands out of his eyes as if she had the right to do so. As if he were hers.

She also couldn't keep fleeting, little thoughts out of her mind, like what if she were his wife? Or his lover? Those damned romance novels were really playing with her head. Never in her life had she'd ever thought about being the wife of another. But the way he introduced her to his acquaintances as if he were proud to have her at his side-as if she had the right to be there-was causing her head to spin just a little.

Arya Bellinni was certainly smouldering.

When they had first entered their hostess's expansive foyer, glittering with the lights of a magnificent chandelier, they'd found Kiros already hovering by Miss Bellinni's side. At first Quistis thought the brightness of Kiros' face had more to do with the light than his companion, but the moment she and Laguna came closer, one thing became crystal clear. Kiros was in love.

Arya knew it, of course, even reveled in the attention, but her eyes always danced towards someone else...Laguna. And when he'd first entered the room, they'd grown hot and possessive.

The way Laguna grasped Quistis's hand was quick and sudden as he led her towards the other couple, and the thought hit Quistis that perhaps he was using her to prove a point to his hostess. But his hand was so warm and the slight squeeze he gave her so gentle, that she let it fade. If he was, it was no matter, after all.

As he was about to present her, he let go her hand and reached up to the small of her back to slightly push her forward. When his hand touched her bare skin, however, he sucked in his breath and quickly jerked away.

"Your skin is...so soft." He appeared momentarily dazed, lost, possibly apprehensive. Her skin burned into her bones.

Kiros and Arya were forgotten as the foyer shrunk to a size encompassing only them and no one else. Quistis wished it could remain as such, but moments later, when Arya's voice sharply rang out, it painfully expanded once again.

"Mr. President, thank you for coming early, but...who is your guest?"

"Miss Bellinni, I'd like you to meet Quistis Trepe."

Quistis extended her hand and Arya took it coldly. She then raised appraising eyes. "Have we met? You look familiar."

"In my office, Arya," Laguna nodded.

She was still apparently confused.

"I'm a SeeD from Balamb."

A sudden, relieved sigh escaped the woman's pursed lips, and then she was all smiles once again. "Ah, yes! One of Laguna's bodyguards! How charming to meet you!"

She leaned forward and conspiratorially whispered in Quistis's ear, although her voice carried huskily over to the men. "Keep him safe for me tonight, my dear."

"He's quite safe with _me,_" Quistis replied and Laguna choked a little beside her.

Arya, with an answering smile of dismissal, stepped forward and took Laguna's arm in hers, stealing him away. "I'm so glad you came early," she said to the President. "Come, let me pour you a drink."

Quistis watched them walk away in amusement, although she tried to conceal it for Kiros's sake. His fists were clenched tightly at his side and his face was dark. More out of pity for him, than even for Laguna, she reluctantly left to reclaim her date.

Arya was ladling him a glass of punch when she reappeared at his side. He took it, gave it a sip and then with a grin put it up to Quistis's lips. "Try this!" he exclaimed. "It's really tasty!"

"I-" she couldn't complete her sentence as the sweet, foamy liquid was suddenly trickling into her mouth. She had no choice but to swallow it. And he was right. It was absolutely delicious.

"There's quite a bit of alcohol in that," Arya was saying. Her eyes narrowed at Quistis from behind. "I'm not sure it's quite the thing to give your bodyguard."

"Oh, she's not on duty tonight. She's here as my date. That guy," Laguna motioned towards Zell lurking in the shadow of a colonnade, "is my bodyguard. There are several more outside your house."

"But-"

"Don't worry," he said easily. "They won't ruin the party."

He pulled Quistis close. "Let's rejoin Kiros. He's looking a little lonely by himself."

Kiros had re-schooled his face into pleasantness, but his voice was clipped as they approached. "Laguna," he said. "May I speak with you for a moment?"

Laguna nodded-sheepishly, Quistis thought-and followed his best friend to the other side of the room. Quistis was left with Miss Bellinni, who used the moment away from the scrutiny of the men to glower at her usurper. Zell stood behind them and whistled under his breath.

Neither woman spoke and Quistis couldn't help but feel it was a shame that Arya held her in such animosity. A fascinating woman, Quistis would have liked the freedom to continue to study her, but now it would only seem as if she were gloating.

Steps away, Kiros was speaking low, but quite passionately. Laguna only nodded or shook his head through a round of thorough, clipped questioning. And for one who could talk a blue streak, he was being uncharacteristically silent.

Arya finally spoke. "What is bothering our vice president, do you suppose? Is it me? Or is it you?"

"Maybe it has nothing to do with either of us," Quistis remarked pleasantly.

Arya let out a most unfeminine snort. "I think not. It's likely over me. Kiros and Laguna are both crazy about me, yet Laguna is willing to step aside for his friend." She huffed. "He is so like that, but I'll have him yet."

When Quistis deigned to reply, Arya continued. "I want him because he really knows how to please a woman. He's an amazing kisser." She said this airily, but her eyes narrowed as she shifted her stance to catch Quistis's reaction.

Quistis refused to answer and Arya looked away. "And he's also good in bed."

She was lying. Her voice was casual, but her mannerisms were contrived. And the way she was fidgeting...There were several lessons Arya could learn from _her._

"Mmm," Quistis said with a little smile. Arya's delicate skin turned pale.

"I mean to have him."

"So you said."

"So I did."

They both stared at each other for several long moments, finally breaking their eye-lock to watch Laguna pat Kiros patiently on the back. "It will happen, Kiros," Quistis heard him say, and then Laguna ambled back to her side as unruffled as ever.

"Is everything okay," Quistis asked the moment Arya slipped away at the beckoning of her butler.

"Yeah. Kiros will be fine. He just-well, never mind. I shouldn't talk of it."

Quistis looked over to where Laguna's vice president and best friend was now at the punch bowl, pouring the frothy beverage for himself. He caught her glance and his eyes narrowed before he looked away.

Soon the guests began to trickle in, and she was well aware of the surprised curiosity her presence ignited. That she was his lover was assumed, although she could see the relationship startled them as their eyes darted between her and Arya. Laguna had earlier confided that he'd never brought a date to any function before, and it made her wonder if Miss Bellinni had prematurely considered tonight a victory for herself in that regard. But she was now consoling herself with Kiros, who didn't seem to mind in the least, and the effect was that his temperament was lightening up.

Or so she thought. For a brief moment, she found herself separated from Laguna and before she could return to his side, Kiros took her arm.

"One moment, Miss Trepe," he said.

She looked down at his long fingers squeezing her harder than necessary and tried to shrug them away.

"My pardon. I didn't mean to hurt you, but I have something to say."

"What is it, sir?" she asked, trying to remain polite.

"Whatever you and Laguna have going on...it ends now."

Her only reply was a cool lift to the brow, although she was quite taken aback. And here she had thought she was just an innocent bystander witnessing the interplay between the two friends and the alluring, exotic beauty. Apparently she was now involved, but in what capacity to earn the vice president's ire, she was unsure.

"If it doesn't, your commander will be informed how you've been seducing President Loire.

"What if it's been the other way around?" She surprised even herself with her disrespect, but there was something in his manner that irked her.

"Laguna couldn't seduce a fly and we both know it. I don't know what your purpose is for all of this, but I repeat...it ends now."

"It will end when the President is ready for it to end." From above and beyond herself, Quistis felt like she was finally living the romance novel life...and here was the antagonist. The evil villain who wanted to keep her from her love. But then, Kiros wasn't truly evil, more likely an overprotective friend. And she was definitely not in love.

"I'll be contacting Leonhart tomorrow morning," he bowed, about to take his leave, but the President was suddenly there and was clasping his shoulder.

"There will be no contacting Squall. This is between Miss Trepe and myself."

"Laguna, this grossly goes against her organization's protocol and there is far too much at stake for you to ruin it now by...by being involved with one of your bodyguards," Kiros protested.

"Protocol be damned."

"Laguna-"

"Trust me, nothing will be ruined."

"Of course, and as always, you know best."

Laguna smiled. "Actually, that's typically you."

"For good reason." Shaking his head, Kiros stalked off not to be seen for the rest of the night.

When Quistis looked up at Laguna questioningly, he shrugged his shoulders. "Don't worry about it. But I'd also like to not talk about it, either. Certain things are between you and me and others between he and I. I won't cross any lines."

"Okay, but shouldn't you have told him that you and I are really not involved?" she asked, confused by the play she had just been a part of. There had been so much intensity flowing out of Kiros's every word. But then, as Laguna had let her know in his own way, it was none of her business.

His face suddenly brightened. "You kinda started it. I thought it would be fun to continue." He chucked her teasingly under the chin. "So have I really been seducing you?"

She coolly held his gaze. "Yes, Mr. President."

He laughed. "I must be good to make a woman like you want me so bad."

"I can hardly contain my passion."

He drew an arm around her waist, and she decided she liked it when he did that very much. Leaning down, he whispered into her ear. "I know, Quistis. You can't fool me."

"In your wildest of fantasies," she said, but a small smile cracked through the straight lines of her mouth. He was reading her far more correctly than he assumed.

"Unfortunately, that's the truth. It's been rough."

She looked up at him and there was something in his eyes hard to fathom, yet it emboldened her. "Make the dream a reality then," she said lightly.

He grinned. "Spiked punch makes me a little loopy. You too?" And then he was introducing her to the Grand Judge and the matter was closed.

Shortly before dinner, the children arrived, and when they did, Quistis was forced to step back several feet from Laguna as he was instantly swarmed in hugs and kisses by little bodies clamoring for his affection.

His laugh was loud. It was booming. He whooped and hollered with them, causing some of his guests to smile, others to frown. But to Quistis, it brought back a vague memory of being an orphan desiring adult attention and how glorious it was to receive it. And when she looked at the scene, saw how Laguna felt no reluctance for the touches, nor for how rumpled they made his tux, she had to blink fiercely several times for the tears not to drip down her nose. And the moment he looked up from across the room and smiled at her-before his attention was stolen by a cute, little pig-tailed miss-she swallowed and knew that it was too late. She yearned for his attention just the same.

The matron, or whatever she was called, eventually clapped her hands and with a smile whispered something only the children could hear. With many a giggle they took off, several of the little girls throwing kisses to their knight. Laughing, he waved them away and then stood and joined Quistis, ignoring several looks meant to draw him into conversation.

"They're so cute, aren't they?" he asked, raking his fingers through his bangs, his face slightly flushed. "Whenever I'm with them, I can't help but glide upon their energy. Hyne, I love kids."

Quistis couldn't help herself. She reached over and straightened his suit coat, allowing her fingers to linger over his collar. "They're adorable," she answered. "And they are also lucky to have you."

"Yes, well..." His voice trailed off and his eyes suddenly appeared sad as they wandered towards the door through which the kids had just disappeared. She wondered if there was more to his sadness then just their general plight, but couldn't figure what it could be.

He bit the inside of his cheek. "Well, I hope they find families tonight."

"I hope so too." And she found she really did, one little girl in particular-the one with the twin ponytails. Whatever her future was to be, Quistis found herself wishing it a healthy and happy one.

Dinner was soon announced, followed after by a short, sweet and endearing play that the matron had written up to display her charge's charms. It seemed to do its job; the audience was laughing and the atmosphere felt warm and benevolent. The fate of the children was soon set, as afterwards the adults began to mingle with them. Many were following their president's example and were down at each little one's level, frolicking and enjoying the simplistic innocence that children often bring.

Even Arya Bellinni had on her lap a golden-haired little boy who was looking up at her adoringly, and her own face was tender and shining with a different sort of beauty. Had Laguna seen that side of her months ago, she might have found it easier to ensnare his heart. But as it was, in that moment, she wasn't thinking of him at all.

Quistis realized it was a picture of how Laguna's influence blanketed and inspired those around him, even reaching beyond into the makeup of his country. An artisan's workshop was brought to her mind-a warm, productive, cheery shop deep in the heart of the Shumi community-where the craftsmen had carved out a statue of one they held in high esteem. In reverence they had worked faithfully to immortalize Laguna's spirit in stone. She now understood what it was that they saw.

Scanning the crowd, she found him smiling at her and without much thought, they both drew closer. Then he grabbed her hand and led her into the shadows of the hall. Zell followed discreetly behind.

"You blow hot and cold, you know?" Laguna asked, once they were safely alone in the now empty foyer.

"What do you mean?" she asked primly, wanting further clarification of his statement. While it was true she was having a hard time keeping her mind clean of certain thoughts, she was interested in how much was naked upon her face.

"It doesn't matter," he suddenly appeared lost. "I thought that maybe...it doesn't matter. Are you about ready to go? My work here is done."

She nodded. "Whenever you are, of course. But don't you need to make a public goodbye?" She thought of the almost religious adoration the people had for him. "Or give them your final blessing?"

He looked at her strangely, slowly shaking his head. "It's my way to slip away."

"Zell?" Laguna turned towards the discreet figure pushed up against a curtain. "Will you round up the other guards. We're ready to go."

Zell stepped forward. "I really shouldn't leave you two-"

Quistis shook her head impatiently. "The President is safe with me, Zell. Look-" she lifted the hem of her gown and unstrapped a small pistol from her calf. "I'm even armed."

"Okay, whatever you say," he scurried off.

"You can't let work go for even one night, can you?" Laguna asked in amusement, yet he eyed the gun with distaste. "You were supposed to be my date, not my bodyguard."

He spoke to soon. The window, followed by the vase beside him, both shattered amongst the whizzing sound of flying bullets.

"Get down," Quistis yelled and flung him to the floor. At first she thought that he had been hit, but then realized the sound of his breath escaping him was from the impact of her body upon his.

A moment later, silence. "Are you okay?" she asked.

"Ouch! I-I think so," he said and then the room was suddenly filled with his guards. Half of them made a ring around him while the others, led by Zell, sprinted through the front door and away into the night. Quistis sprang up to follow, but before she could, felt a firm grasp around her ankle.

"Don't go. You won't get far in those heels. And tonight you're not on duty."

"To hell with my heels," she spat.

He sighed. "Suit yourself."

She peered out the door, wondering where her priorities lay. Hearing the crunching sound of the broken glass being ground into the floor, she turned to see him pick himself up, dusting diamond-like slivers off of his suit. In the hall, a line of frantic guests had gathered, wild-eyed and scared.

Once he was on his feet, he turned towards them. "I'm fine. My date is quite the woman. She knocked me to the floor just in time."

"Laguna!" Arya shrieked, pushing through the crowd. Rushing into the foyer, oblivious of any danger to herself, she threw herself into his arms. "Are you okay?" she asked frantically.

"Yes, I-"

Whatever words he was about to say were smothered in several passionate, desperate kisses. And Quistis, not wishing to know how he'd respond, dashed away into the night.

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><p>Quistis turned the handle and gently pushed open Laguna's bedroom door, twisting her head to shoot Zell a self-assured, yet utterly feigned, parting smile. Of course Laguna was his concern at this late hour, and hers when the dawn broke the sky, but he had grown into more than an assignment now, was more than a mere watch to take.<p>

She'd knocked, of course, but there hadn't been an answer. If he was asleep, she'd decided to only peek in and then quietly close the door, but if he was awake she wanted to talk. Even if for only a moment.

Zell had been reclining on a loveseat, set in a small alcove outside of the entrance to the president's bedroom. A television set had been wheeled in on a stand, and bleary-eyed, he'd been flipping channels between a documentary on the Deep Sea Research Station and a live rock concert in Deling. He'd sprung to his feet the moment she'd appeared.

"Quistis! Uh, what are you still doing up?" He seemed more than a little concerned with her finding him crashing in front of the t.v. Her mouth set primly; _she_ only read books on her watch.

"I need to speak to Laguna," she clipped briskly, smoothing down the slight billowing of her robe, a new one she'd picked up while shopping the other night. She knew she wasn't dressed appropriately-she'd decided on this visit while in the shower-but if she was to be able to have a decent night's sleep, she needed to see for herself that he was fine. Being shot at was not an everyday occurrence.

"Oh, okay. He's in his room." Zell continued to stand, but swayed a little on his feet, looking properly exhausted. It was difficult taking a night shift while maintaining normal hours on the weekends.

Frenzied cries erupted from the television's speakers as the band finished playing their song. On the screen, the cameras panned to the lead vocalist hurtling himself off of the stage and onto the upraised arms of his fans. Quistis coughed in amusement as Zell sheepishly grabbed the remote and shut it off

"Zell, it's okay. I won't tell."

Blowing out his breath, he slumped back onto the couch. "He's perfectly safe here."

"I know."

"I'd never do anything to compromise that."

She nodded. "Trust me, I get it."

"And he's cool with it-Laguna, I mean. _Squall'd_ have my head."

"He's the perfect host."

"You guys are getting pretty close, aren't you?" he suddenly asked. Then he looked at her standing in her new night robe and a peculiar grin split his face. "Hey, you aren't trysting, are you?"

"Trysting?" Her pitch rose just a little.

"That's what Piggy calls it when we hook up."

Quistis crimsoned at that. "No! Definitely not. Like I said I just want to talk to him."

"Right," he replied with an exaggerated wink. "Enjoy your talk."

"I will." Why bother to explain; he'd only believe what he wanted.

"Oh, and nice legs!"

It was Zell's teasing that had finally given her the nerve to step over Laguna's threshold, if only to escape his laughter.

Once inside, she swept her eyes across the bedroom; it was like nothing she had expected. His furniture was dark wood, lacking ornamentation, yet strangely elegant in its simplicity. There were no pictures on the walls, no decorations crowding his dresser. The room was bare in its lack of personal effects-no books or magazines, clothing or even a photo was exposed. She found it somewhat odd; for dwelling in a room for almost twenty years, Laguna's was incredibly impersonal.

But it boasted a view. Like his office, an entire wall was taken over by floor to ceiling, seamless windows and the view of the city lights was breathtaking. And in front of the window, low to the floor so as not to distract too much from the sight was his bed, large, wide, and invitingly turned down for the night.

But he wasn't in it.

As she stared at the bed and then contemplated the rest of his room, she realized that someone-she doubted him-had furnished it so to remind its occupant of who he was as the President of Esthar. Nothing mattered but that wide, expansive vista of the city. As the first thing to behold as the morning sun rose into the heavens, and the last sight for his weary eyes before sleep, it would be impossible to forget what he served.

There was a glass door leading out onto a balcony and through it, she finally spotted him sitting on a lounge chair, scribbling inside his journal propped up against his knees, a smile illuminating his face. For awhile she stood and watched him, savoring the opportunity to do so at leisure, undetected.

The wind occasionally stirred and played with his hair, feathering and lifting his bangs high above his head-she found the look endearing-and rippling the cotton of his white t-shirt. She couldn't help but smile. In a single night she'd seen him in not one, but two different wardrobe changes than his usual.

Every so often he would look up from a page to thoughtfully scan the evening horizon. But she knew he didn't see the city. When he so chose, he could leave his world and drift upon the wings of his fancy. Laguna Loire was a dreamer.

Quistis liked to watch him dream, but she didn't understand it. In his position, she would be weighed down and stressed by the magnitude of what the presidential office entailed, losing herself as easily as she had lost herself to SeeD. But in all the twenty years he'd been there, influencing and sculpting his nation, he'd remained himself, a trifle more polished than he had perhaps been in his youth, but not by much. All of the gloating power that his bedroom displayed, that his station had bequeathed, had failed to corrupt him.

Hyne, she really admired the man.

Silently she pushed open the door and walked out into the night. The evening air was warm, yet the breeze, upon discovering another plaything, began to swirl about her legs, attempting to lift the corners of her robe to further expose her thighs to its caress. Absently she tried to pat it down, but realized the gesture was futile. The wind would have its way.

"Laguna," she murmured, and watched in startled amusement as he jumped out of his chair reminiscent of an earlier Zell, his journal falling to the floor unnoticed. As she took a step towards him, he took one in retreat, his look of easy tranquility vanishing with the calling out of his name.

"I'm glad you made it back all right," he finally said, shuddering as his back collided against the balcony railing. "Was there something you wanted?" Looking over his shoulder, he seemed to consider the drop hundreds of feet below. Certainly he wasn't thinking of jumping?

"Laguna?" she asked. "Are you okay?"

"Totally. I just wasn't expecting you." He tried to smile. "Anything you need?"

Her eyes narrowed at the odd note in his tone. "Yes, I needed to-" Somehow, telling him of her need to see that he was safe now seemed silly. Of course, she knew he was safe. Zell had told her so the moment she'd returned to the apartment unsuccessful in her chase. Before she'd even showered or even prepared for bed.

"I wanted to-" She just couldn't say it. It wouldn't come out. And the way he was looking at her... "Laguna, what's wrong?" she asked, again stepping forward.

He held up his hand. "Please don't do this to me. I don't think I could resist you and I'm having a difficult night as it is, so-"

"Resist me?"

He swallowed. "I mean, who could?"

She smiled. "You think I've come to seduce you?"

"Haven't you?" Again he raked his fingers through his bangs, but the breeze had left them slightly tangled and they wouldn't slide the entire way through. Ending up stuck, it took him several quick yanks to break them free. He bit his lip. "I mean, it's what you want, right?"

"I know you think I'm like Arya," she said, "eager to fling myself into your arms. And I understand why you'd think that being as I did proposition you a few days ago, but actually I just came to ensure you were safe."

"Oh! Sorry!" he said, appearing a little chagrined, but more so relieved. "Yeah, I got home just fine after you left."

She recalled the final act that had given her the push to take off into the night. It had done it's apparent work to drive her away. Suddenly allowing that she _was_ slightly miffed, she put her hands on her hips. "Did you like it?" she asked.

"Like what?"

"Her lips upon yours? I know you're trying to be a good friend by stepping aside for Kiros, but really Laguna, the way Arya melted into your arms...I'm sure you couldn't help but feel something."

He shook his head with regret. "I felt nothing. Nor have I ever."

You've kissed her before?"

"Yes."

Her eyes narrowed. So Arya hadn't been entirely untruthful. "Why?" she asked, trying to veil her disgust. She didn't quite succeed. He discerned it and smiled just a little. But he sobered quickly enough.

"Because she was there and I was lonely." His whisper was almost lost upon the breeze.

She sighed, her agitation melting away when she saw the raw emotion in his eyes. He was letting her in to a compartment of his life she'd only suspected, and she could see that it was not easy for him to do. Even a man who ran with the sunshine could once in awhile walk in the rain.

"And you feel lonely tonight?" she asked softly.

"Yes," he smiled ruefully. "And you coming out here in nothing but a soft bit of silk and lace..."

"Scared you a little, did I?"

"A lot." His old, quick grin was back. "And the wild fantasies that assaulted my brain, Quistis..." He shook his head. "I'm thinking it's gonna be another sleepless night."

She smiled a bit at the use of her words from earlier in the evening. "From my coming out here in a robe?"

"You obviously don't understand the workings of the masculine mind."

"Apparently not."

"Thought you'd learn a thing or two after those novels I had you read."

"Oh, I did. Trust me, I did," she said, finally able to step up to his side. She leaned over the balcony a little and inhaled the scent of clean, summer night. "And you can't know how tempting it is to use some of the knowledge I've gained."

"But you don't want to be like Arya, right?"

"I do and I don't," she replied honestly.

"You're not her."

No, she's far more experienced. Any attempts at seduction on my end don't seem to work very well."

"Don't be so sure of that."

"What would it take to seduce you?" she asked, more out of curiosity than anything else. She wasn't heartless; playing with a man's feelings was hardly her style. But if she only knew what he wanted...

He shifted and drew his arm around her waist. She sucked in her breath. He was the one seducing her, whether he knew it or not. The slightest touch made her want to crumble at his feet.

He was suddenly serious. More serious than she'd ever witnessed. It made her realize that here wasn't a young boy from Balamb, but a man, no matter how boyish he often appeared. "I want more than a simple seduction, or even a game. But you can't give that to me, can you?"

"I don't know," she whispered. "I don't think so, but I don't know."

"No?"

"No."

"That's what I thought." He gave her a slight squeeze and then let his arm drop to his side. "I'm not going into the office tomorrow," he said, abruptly changing the subject.

"Oh?"

"Sometimes I take Friday off. It's been a long night and I have the feeling it's going to be even longer." He frowned, the first from him she had ever seen. "But not just because of you. There really is a lot to think about, you know?"

She chilled. "Like how someone tried to kill you?"

He shrugged. "I guess, but trust me, there's a whole lot more."

"But let _me_ guess. You don't want to talk about it."

"Nope."

"Okay." She reached down and briefly laid a hand over his. "Well, goodnight."

But as she turned away, he grabbed her arm and pulled her into a quick, tight hug. Her heart began to beat in expectation.

"One thing," he said, leaning back, yet staying close, evidently unsure in their proximity. "Would you be offended if I kept to myself tomorrow? I'd like to be alone. I'll just be out here or in my room. I wouldn't go anywhere, or anything." He lightly tugged on the tie of her robe. "You could just relax in the apartment. Read a good book, you know? Or try out the tele."

"Okay..." she replied slowly.

"Thanks," he said.

Chewing on the inside of her cheek, she bit hard, trying to study and understand why he wanted the time apart. It had to be more than the desire for solitude. Finally, she turned to go inside; she'd probably never understand. Before she reached the door, however, she paused to fling a slight rebuke over her shoulder. "You know, you blow hot and cold just as well."

For once his emerald eyes were grave. "I know. But I need time to determine how warm I want to be...as do you."

She nodded. He was right, of course.

As she turned to once again go in, he called out to her. "And about Arya..." There was a large amount of wistfulness in his voice. "You are much, much more."

She smiled at that. It was exactly what she'd wanted to hear.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N - Hola amigos! I finally have this chapter posted. It's taken me awhile, although not as long as usual. I recently (with my husband and two little boys) sold my house in the US and the majority of my belongings and we now plan to travel around a bit. First stop...Costa Rica. We're here for three and a half months house/dog sitting for a sweet couple we found on Craig's List. It's so amazing here, however, we might not move on for awhile as I'm loving it! I highly recommend this country. Anyway, it had been my intent to really get down to business and finish this story up (actually, this still is my intent) and I have two more chapters written and a plan for only two or three after that. Yes! But I'm running into a problem. I've taken up surfing. Who knew surfing was fracking amazing! Well, lots of people, but I never did. Sigh. It's taking over my life. It's all I think about, all I read about. And I suck at it, but don't many of us girls have hidden fantasies about being wild, natural, hot surfer chicks? I always have. Not sure if it will entirely come true, but here's hoping! Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter. And thank you so very much for reading it. And reviewing too. :)

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><p>Quistis awoke early Saturday morning to a knock and a note being slid under her door. It was a message requesting her immediate presence in the former lair of Norg, Garden's dark and expansive basement.<p>

Her eyes narrowed a little as she read. Left unsigned, the note also gave no reason for its summons. Still, her curiosity was kindled, so she hastily tidied up her room and dressed. Before leaving, she gave a last look around and then grabbed her whip from where it was hanging at the side of her carefully made bed. Toting the weapon was likely unnecessary, but prudence required being properly armed.

The elevator seemed to take forever, shaking and shivering its long way down into the bowels of Garden, but once the door yawned opened, spewing her out, she was met with a warm, welcoming squeal...an eager Pet, gracelessly bouncing up and down.

"Follow me!" Pet grabbed her hand and led her several paces down a corridor to a large steel door.

"You are now a member of our secret library society," she said, handing her a card with an exaggerated flourish. It was a keycard and on it Quistis's name had been written in a beautiful script surrounded by a spray of pink roses...and several ancient symbols for the phallus.

"Thank you," she choked, but a wry grin suddenly tweaked her features when she realized how proud she actually was to receive it.

"We're awfully glad to have you. Several of the other girls are especially thrilled you've joined."

"Really?"

Pet blushed. "I think they're sorta hoping you'll share some of your secrets."

"My secrets?" Suddenly she was wary. The others knew it was against SeeD regulation to share any mission information...even with those to whom you were closest. "Pet, you know I can't-"

Pet held up her hands. "Not those sort of secrets, silly, but the secret to your success with boys." She looked down at her feet and scuffled her boots. "I mean, there's another Garden society whose sole reason for its existence..." Her hand fluttered to her heart and she again looked up with apparent awe. "Is you."

"Oh, you mean the Trepies," Quistis brushed that aside. "I never understood what that was about. Certainly I never tried to manipulate those boys into liking me." Surely they didn't think her the Arya Bellinni of Garden.

"I figured that. But the other girls were hoping there was more to it."

"I'm sorry to disappoint them. Hopefully they'll still want me."

"They will! Although it's not up to them anyway, but the Benefactress."

"Who is?"

Well, she's out of Garden right now and asked that I not divulge her identity until she introduces herself in person. I hope you don't mind."

Quistis _was_ slightly disappointed, having been looking forward to gleaning this savory bit of information. Whoever it was, was certainly shrouded in secrecy. But still, she was eager to see what this library was all about.

"So can I swipe it?" she asked, gesturing towards the mechanism that locked the door.

"Be my guest!" Pet said, her dimples suddenly appearing. "We'll talk more inside. I hope we have the place to ourselves."

Quistis hoped the same and was greatly relieved to find the room quite empty, still feeling a bit of hesitancy towards her inception into the club. If she was to join she'd like to ease in gradually. Being allowed to peruse their meeting grounds without scrutiny was exactly what she preferred.

Especially as once she stepped inside, she could only stand at a loss for words and stare. The room overwhelmed her. It had obviously been a storage closet, but an immense one, perhaps once belonging to Norg. All traces of his regime had been scrubbed clean from Garden's underground and now the basement was left unused...except for this one little haven. This one piece of abject femininity.

Surrounded on almost three sides were floor to ceiling white bookshelves stuffed with novels, each begging to be investigated further. The library had lavender shag carpet draping the floor and the center of the room was strewn with various-sized bean bags all in vivid pinks, purples and fuchsias - cozy, girly and fun.

And the air smelled enchanting. An aroma whose origins eluded her floated about the room, subtle, yet enticing, and she audibly sniffed, trying to figure out its source.

"Over there. It's ylang ylang," Pet pointed, also taking a deep, euphoric breath. "There's several vials for the taking. In her studies, Danya Perkins discovered that the essential oil is a natural aphrodisiac so she decided to do a little research - with her boyfriend, of course - and concluded that the stuff works wonders on the opposite sex. She ordered a large shipment to share with us all. Smells heavenly, doesn't it?"

"Yes," Quistis replied faintly.

"It's much nicer than oysters, that's for sure."

"Oysters?"

"Yeah. They're aphrodisiacs as well, but horribly icky to eat. I swear I'd want to gag every time one slid down my throat. Zell likes 'em though!"

"Ah." Quistis was truly at a loss for words. She'd thought she'd joined a book club...well, a naughty sort of book club, but apparently their group was more than that. Possibly more than she'd bargained for.

For further evidence were the hundreds of photographs of Garden's young men - and even those from elsewhere - tacked up onto the one small stretch of wall that didn't boast any shelving. Biting the inside of her cheek, she furiously tried to hold her laughter in check. Amongst the photos, their images frozen for all of time, were the varied expressions of her three friends - Zell, Irvine and Squall - whose faces were each wreathed with tiny, fluttery pink hearts. If they only knew...

Unchecked, giggles escaped her. Squall's scowl would likely surpass even the furious one of his picture. Selphie had certainly been brave the day she'd snapped that one, she thought with another laugh.

But her breath sucked in sharply when she noticed a photo of Nida simply framed in black and nestled on a nearby shelf amongst several others, a small candle rimmed by glass flickering at its base.

"Those are the boys who've...you know," Pet said softly. Quistis swallowed and nodded, staring at the fine boyish features she had not yet forgotten. He hadn't been typically handsome, Nida, but somehow in looking into his eyes one never realized it.

"Several girls were crushed when he died."

"I wasn't the only one?"

"No. But everyone knew how he felt about you."

"Pet-"

"But it wouldn't have worked, you know? You do know that, right?"

Quistis stared at her new friend, the answer stalling upon her lips. Pet was swaying slightly and there was a sudden distant, vacant expression upon her face. And before Nida's picture, the flame seemed to grow.

"Your path lay elsewhere."

"What?" Her fingertips began to tingle. So did her knees.

"What?" Pet asked, blinking.

"You said that Nida and I wouldn't have worked," Quistis pushed. "Why is that?"

Pet shook her head several times and then her eyes cleared. "Why, he was too young for you, of course," she said. "Though it's really sad that he died. But we all know that's how it works around here, right?"

Quistis bit her lip. "Yeah, I guess we do."

She meandered away from Pet's side to study the shelves, stuffing all thought of him into the back of her brain, able to regain some composure-and even a little excitement-as she began to read aloud some outlandish titles. Several more giggles broke free. Gods, she loved this genre.

But it wasn't until she came to the last shelf that she paused, inspecting the books a little more closely. The line of novels had come to an abrupt stop, being taken over by at least a hundred reference books with titles just as - dare she call them such? - inspiring. _Pleasures...A Guide To Great Sex; Safe Sex 101; Sex Positions from Mild to Wild;_ _The Female Orgasm._..

The Benefactress was obviously a very thorough-minded person; not one subject regarding sexuality was left uncovered. She supposed their inclusion was only to be expected, even applauded, but still, she could never borrow one of those. Sure, she could read _The Beast of Balamb_ or _Tempted in Trabia_- actually there seemed to be a whole line of geography inspired titles_ - or Frisky In Fisherman's, _but to check out and tote around a sex manual? It was never going to happen.

"So we have this tradition whenever someone new joins the group," Pet was saying a little nervously, rocking on both feet. "The B informed me that you'd probably be reluctant to agree, given your valuable time, of course, but it's sort of a requirement, and, um-"

"Just spit it out, Pet," Quistis sighed, wondering what on earth could be next.

"Each girl is given the initial task of writing a report to share with the others on one of the non-fiction pieces. Actually, the Benefactress chooses what each girl is to read-"

"And she chose for me?"

Pet slowly pulled out the largest volume on the shelf, a reference book with well over a thousand pages. _The Big Book of Sex._

"Absolutely not," Quistis sputtered the moment Pet set it on the small table beside her. The book was so heavy the table swayed under its weight.

"But if you don't you'll have to give me back the card."

"That's fine."

"She was sure you wouldn't do it, you know? I told her she was wrong, but I guess she knew better."

"Do I know her?" Quistis asked. When she saw Pet's face go carefully blank, she narrowed her eyes. "She doesn't really want me here, does she?"

"No," whispered Pet, looking guilty for divulging as much.

Hefting the book into her arms, Quistis slammed it up against her chest. "Well, I'm here to stay. When does the report have to be finished?"

Pet's pigtails shook with delight. "Two weeks. Really, you'll do it?"

"Gladly. And I'll write the best damn report this group has ever read." No one at Garden was going to bar her from anything again. And she could be as addle-brained and sex-crazed as the rest of them. Perhaps it would be good for her.

Pet grinned and snatched a vial of the ylang ylang. "Here!" she said, thrusting it into the palm of Quistis's hand. "Take one. They're quickly disappearing."

"I think I will."

Suddenly, from outside of the room, a digital bell began to chime, indicating an announcement from either the Headmaster or the Commander. They both stepped outside the room to hear better.

It was a summoning of one Quistis Trepe to Commander Leonhart's office.

Biting her lip, she looked down at the large tome and wondered how she was going to hide from everyone she passed what she clutched against her breast.

"Here!" Pet yanked off her cardigan. "You can use this to cover it up a bit."

Quistis took it gratefully and then quickly said goodbye. Riding the elevator up to the third level - without bothering to stop by her room and drop off her newest acquisition as Squall _would_ expect her to be punctual - this time she shook from more than the swaying of the lift.

She had broken protocol upon arriving in Balamb the evening before by neglecting to report to the Commander. In fact, she'd even considered not meeting him at all. But it had been ridiculous to think she could avoid the unavoidable. He had let it slide the weekend before when she'd been distraught over Nida's death, but this time she couldn't expect a similar reprieve.

But to his credit, he neither chastised her nor showed any disapproval when she entered his office moments later. Instead, he gave his usual curt nod towards a chair and after she sat, contemplated her for several long moments. Finally he spoke.

"About Nida-"

"Do we have to talk about it?" she asked.

He jerked a little in his chair, the muscles in his face briefly twisting into an anguished glower. "I suppose not. There's not much I can tell you anyway. But I want you to know how deeply I regret his loss."

"I'm sorry. I should never have encouraged you to-"

He sighed. "Quistis, it had actually been on my mind to use him long before you said a word. I knew how he felt. Everyone did." He shrugged. "It was my call to make and you of all people know that my decisions are rarely influenced by others."

She gave him a slight smile. "Except for Rinoa," she murmured.

His face relaxed. "Except for her."

"Squall, we really don't need to talk about it."

"I guess I just wanted to abscond you from any guilt you might feel. I'm the Commander. Like I said, it was my call to make."

She nodded slowly. "Then I'll abscond you of yours. You did your best. You always do and I know you have our interests, as well as SeeD's, at heart."

"I do," he nodded. "Thanks for believing that."

Before preparing for an earlier departure than usual on Sunday evening - the Ragnarok was needed somewhere else the following morning - Quistis quietly slipped out to the cemetery, having not yet visited Nida's final resting place. Tiptoeing through the gate, she scanned each gravestone she passed, remembering something about each person lying beneath the ground. There weren't many names she didn't recognize, only a few, but even those she acknowledged with silent wishes of peace. She couldn't help but shiver, although blaming it on the wind that was stirring amongst the firs, as a vision of herself being lowered into the ground, resting forever in their company, assaulted her mind. But morbid thinking was never healthy, so she tried her best to battle the thought aside. For the moment, she reminded herself, she was alive.

But Nida was not. She nearly missed his grave, tucked away in a corner of the lot, as fallen leaves from the oak tree overhead had camouflaged the newly hewn soil. But he was there and she sat down beside him, thinking of his smile and laughter, and the kindness towards everyone he had possessed. It was almost impossible to believe that only a couple short weeks before he had been walking and talking to her, yet was now silenced forever, never again to be seen on the surface of the earth.

"I'm so sorry, Nida," she whispered, but the wind only answered, stirring her hair just a little, enough to tickle the nape of her neck. She smiled ruefully. Thinking about who he had been, she knew he'd only scold her for blaming herself. She was certain of it. He'd never begrudge her the loss of his life.

"Our world is strange, isn't it?" she asked. "Nothing makes much sense. You finally got what you wanted, but it only left you dead. And me? I don't even know what I want. I wish I did."

After awhile, she stood and stretched, contemplating the stone that marked his life. Reaching down, she idly ran her fingers upon the carved letters of his name. In a few years lichen would begin to grow in the crevices. It always did so, here in the moist air of Balamb. "Nida Addison," she whispered. "Someday we'll meet again."

Rinoa met her at the gate and enfolded Quistis into her typical absorbing hug. "Are you doing alright?" she asked.

"Yes, I think so," Quistis replied. "Well enough, anyway."

Rinoa nodded and frowned towards the now deserted cemetery. "You know," she replied somberly, "He's not really here."

"What do you mean?"

"Just that his body..." she shuddered. "Never mind."

"What do you mean?" Quistis asked again with more force, wishing she could shake her friend for voiding whatever peace she had gained that afternoon.

"There just wasn't anything left to collect..."

Quistis's tears began to pour. "I see," she choked. And she did. And it hardly mattered. Dead was dead, after all.

"I shouldn't have said anything. I wasn't thinking. Squall would kill me if he knew I'd told you."

Quistis paid her no mind. Her throat ached, she felt weary and distressed, but she finally knew what it was that she wanted, if only temporarily. "Hyne, I just need to get back to Esthar. I can't be here right now."

"Esthar?"

Was she about to hyperventilate on the spot? "To Esthar...to Laguna," she answered wildly and from a deeper area of her brain, she realized she was acting particularly - and peculiarly - dramatic. With a shudder, she loosened anxiety's claw from about her throat.

"It's just that..." She quieted. "He laughs and I remember that there's some good in this world. He makes it better. I just want-"

"I understand."

"Do you?"

"Yes." Rinoa grabbed her hand, gave it a squeeze and then began to lead her back towards Garden, back to the place where her fears blurred with her dreams. "Well do I understand that sort of thing. And Quistis...I won't tell Squall."

* * *

><p>The moment the Ragnarok touched down upon the pavement of the Estharian Airstation, Quistis felt relief spring her to her feet. Here in Esthar, under the glow of Laguna's smile, she could have a reprieve. Maybe even suck a little enjoyment out of life.<p>

Yet in acknowledging to herself that she felt something for him, something more than friendship, or even simple attraction, she didn't necessarily know how to act. She didn't want him to know, yet she did. And she found her mind and nerves a jotted mess.

"What's in the bag?" Laguna asked minutes later. Together, flanked by four of his other bodyguards, they rode a plate lifter up to the executive offices. Quistis was wedged between two of the burly men, her satchel between her feet, and she hardly wanted to divulge its contents in their present company.

"Something quite important that needs looking into," she replied with a smile. Laguna slipped off his flip flop and toed it, his eyebrows rising several notches when he determined it was a book. To his credit, and her relief, he swallowed all further questions.

But once in the privacy of his office, he asked her again, following her over to the couch instead of properly seating himself at his desk.

"It's just a book," she replied placidly, taking a seat and pulling the bag onto her lap. Although it was unlikely that he would begin to sift through her things, with him, she just never knew.

But he remained standing at her feet. Apparently her answer refused to suffice and he seemed to be awaiting a better one. One she didn't feel like divulging. Perhaps she would try changing the subject.

"So how was your weekend?" she asked brightly, looking up into his face that was unfortunately becoming far too dear.

He held her look and smiled. "Pretty good, but I missed you. I really missed you."

"Oh!"

She didn't know what else to say. Indeed, she had felt a little rejected by his request to be alone the Friday before. She'd spent the day quietly enough - read, took a leisurely breakfast and lunch, and by the afternoon had even flipped on the abandoned television Zell used during his night shift - but up until she'd departed for Balamb, she'd hoped he'd come out of his room, and had even contemplated barging in on his privacy. But she knew her place and had put her own personal desires aside.

He smiled again - mysteriously, so she thought. Or was his smile triumphant? Because if it was...well, it wasn't as if he'd won anything of her yet - and finally sat down. Very close.

Inhaling deeply, suddenly, as in a daze he grabbed her arm and brought her wrist up towards his nostrils. "You smell lovely," he breathed.

"Um-um" She'd always told herself she'd never use such mumbling expressions as others often did, and here she was, um-ing furiously. Hyne, he could sometimes rattle her. "Um, my friend gave it to me."

"What is it?"

"I don't know," she lied. She thought of the many places she'd dabbed the oil - her wrist, her collarbone, behind her ear...

"I might have to sit beside you all day. You know, just to smell you and also..." he tugged a little at her bag, "discover what's inside."

"It's just a book," she said for the third time.

"A very large one. Don't tell me it's another SeeD manual, Quistis."

"Perhaps," she replied noncommittally. There were other things she'd prefer to discuss besides her enormous guide to sex. He'd eventually see it, of course, but the subject _was_ a bit delicate between them.

"You're not budging, are you?"

She shook her head and again tried to change the subject. "So, was your day proficient enough, thinking about _things_ last Friday?" she asked.

He grinned as he looked down at his sandals. "Yeah. I've got a new...flip on life."

"What?"

"I feel renewed. I know what I'm about, but also the road I have to travel by."

"Okay?" she said, nodding with exaggerated enthusiasm. "That's great." At least he seemed friendly and back to his usual jocularity. Perhaps he really had figured out whatever it was he'd needed to. And yet...she'd sort of liked the brooding intensity he'd shown the other night. Today it was as if his teasing was a little forced.

"_I_ think so," he replied.

They both sat there in silence for several moments until his hand began brushing the straps of her bag. Her olive drab, canvas bag. Then slowly he began to unbuckle it.

She gulped. Surely he wasn't undressing her satchel. And shame on her for finding the sensuality in such a thing.

She smartly rapped his wrist. "Laguna!"

"Come on!" He was adorable. And for the millionth time she mutely asked what had happened to herself. She was clearly losing her mind.

"You should get to your work," she said, trying to sound as stern and dismissive as in the former days of her instructorship.

He stretched, casually throwing an arm over her shoulder. It made her nervous. "I'm not too busy today."

"Are you ever?"

"Sometimes, but lately Kiros's been taking over the majority of things."

Of course, Kiros. She decided that since they were on the subject of his friend, she'd let him sit beside her a moment longer. Besides, she would never tell him so, but he smelled quite nice as well. Like bay leaf aftershave and coffee and well, like a man.

His playful demeanor departed and he removed his arm. "It's part of the new vice president thing," he said slowly, leaning his head back against the cushions and closing his eyes. "He's a remarkable vice-president..." he trailed off with the ghost of a smile.

She'd thought about Kiros several times that weekend, still surprised by his behavior at the Hope Event. It was obvious that Arya Bellinni had created a rift between he and Laguna, not an unlikely circumstance, as such things had been happening since the beginning of time. But she still couldn't figure out why Kiros had been so passionate against Laguna's relationship with _her._ If Laguna were taken, Arya would have to move on.

But then, she quickly reminded herself, she wasn't really in a relationship with Laguna. Nor was she ever likely to be.

"Did Kiros run anything before he was the vice president?" she asked.

Laguna winced. "Yes, a good bit, at least. That's why it was better to get him some sort of official title. I just don't have a mind for politics. Am not much of a president. I tried at first, but..." He used laughter to try veiling his disappointment with himself, but she wasn't fooled. "I'm just a simple man, Quistis."

"On the surface, perhaps. And that's what I actually like about you," she replied. And she realized she meant it. At first she'd been put off by his nonchalant attitude towards the running of his own country, but if there were others to do it for him, then why not? And their judgment seemed fairly sound; Esthar was thriving and its people well-content. If he thought he could trust his friend...

Again she contrasted Laguna to Squall, whom Rinoa often complained worked far too much, certain no one could get the job done as well as he. But in actuality there were others who could, and if not as initially perfect, with practice, they'd get it right.

"I'm not sure that you liked it at first," he said, mirroring her thoughts. He began to twirl his sandals between the tips of his toes. She watched him in amusement. He had way too much energy and she was surprised he had lasted as long as he had, cooped up daily inside an office, no matter how large, how plush, or how nice. And the slight pallor of his cheeks...he really needed to get outdoors more. He was made for the open air.

"No, and there's still a part of me that can't understand it, but perhaps that's why I like it all the same."

"Maybe." He pressed a little closer, and this time as his fingers again brushed her bag, they slipped a little and fell against her thigh. For a second she forgot to breathe.

"So, uh, what's the book?" he asked.

"You're relentless," she whispered.

"Well, I'm interested in everything about you."

They were simple, honest words, yet combined with his smile, they drained away her poise, her self possession, her gravity...indeed, she suddenly felt light. But she was never one to give in so easily, nor was she sure she was ready for this after all.

So naturally she once again changed the subject.

"Why do you always wear the same outfit?" she asked. "You know, blue shirt, khakis and those flip flops?"

He shook his head. "You're stubborn."

"Well, I'm interested in everything about _you,"_ she replied, trying her best to sound flippant and coy. But it was a dismal failure and only came out sounding shrill and insincere.

He winced and then stood, took the bag from her lap, and quietly placed it next to her on the couch. She felt naked without her makeshift shield.

"You know," he said, "I wish that to be true. I understand it's probably not, but..." His gaze shifted beyond her and he looked more than a little lost. It was moments like these that a certain loneliness sprang from him, and she saw more than he generally liked to let on. "But it would be something, you know?"

"Laguna-" she began softly, but he gave a short laugh, leaned over and ruffled her hair before leaving her to settle in at his desk.

A moment later, after he'd read over a few notes that his secretaries had left him that morning, he leaned forward and folded his hands. "I have two flaws. Well, actually I have thousands..." He grinned. "Two of them are that I'm color blind and also quite clueless when it comes to fashion. Oh, and I like to be comfortable."

"That's three," she stated primly.

He only smiled. "Think so?"

She nodded and he continued. "So one day while wearing this amazing outfit - it is amazing, isn't it? - I was unexpectedly complimented several times. Somehow I'd gotten it right. So I had Eva order duplicates. And as for my flips, I like to wiggle my toes."

"Wiggle you toes?"

"Well, after all those years in combat boots..."

It was well after lunch that she hesitantly opened up her bag and pulled out the ridiculously enormous book. Laguna, still seated at his desk, quickly looked up with interest, but then mockingly covered his eyes. She snorted.

"Go ahead and take your look. But don't say a word."

"Right." He stretched a bit from his chair and peered across the room to read the over-sized red letters printed upon its cover. He stared at them blankly for several seconds, but when it finally dawned on him what the book was, plopped back into his seat with a whoosh.

"Quistis?" he groaned.

"Yes?"

"You're killing me."

She was silent for a moment, but then couldn't help but tease him just a little. "But how else am I supposed to find out about it?"

"That's hardly the way to learn," he replied dryly.

"No one seems to want to take up my education."

A dismayed look flit across his face. "You've asked others?"

"Of course not," she huffed. "Only you." She looked down at the book, opened it and began to read. But what she read failed to register within her brain. Every L popped out at her and it stood for only one thing. Maybe two. In exasperation, she finally shook her head and looked up. He was staring at her. "Laguna?" she murmured, deciding there and then to go beyond herself and explore whatever it was she was feeling. "It will only ever be you."

"Only me?" he intoned.

"Yes," she admitted. "I've told you before, this life of mine can't continue on for long. It just can't at this pace, this rate. And somehow I know that I'll never meet anyone like you again."

He was silent as if considering her words. But then he stood, slowly, and she stood slowly as well. Forever they seemed to study each other, but in the end she was the first to look away.

"Laguna-"

He slowly stepped away from his chair and began to circle his desk until he was leaning against its front side. Warily, he continued to study her and she realized that he needed her to come those extra few steps. He was just as puzzled in the way to progress with things as was she.

So she did and with a sigh, he wrapped his arms around her waist and let his chin rest upon the top of her head. She buried her face in his chest.

"But you won't commit, right?" he murmured, stroking her back with an uneven, flustered gate.

As always, he wanted to put a permanence behind any of their thoughts, feelings or actions.

"I can't. I've committed to SeeD," she replied, but her voice was ladled with uncertainty and her brain rattled with confusion. It was so hard to think logically with him so near.

"You know," he said softly, "I'm not so sure that I can either."

Her head flung back and she regarded him with surprise. "Why not?"

"Because-" He flinched a little and then shook his head. "It doesn't matter. What matters is now."

"And what should we do now?"

"Not sure," he smiled a little, shyly. "All I'm sure about is the need to kiss you."

He leaned down and she stretched up, sure that fireworks would soon explode, or the heavens open to pour down a sunbeam of love, or some other such nonsense such as she'd read over the past few weeks.

But it was nothing of the sort. "Damn!" he suddenly cried, throwing himself away from her, certainly not the response she'd expected. "My leg!"

He hobbled over to the couch and flung himself upon it, writhing a little and rubbing his leg until the spasm subsided. It took him several moments to regain speech, however, in which time, Quistis quietly joined him on the couch and sat down at his feet.

He finally groaned, sitting up. "So much for trying to be smooth. I should have known better. I'm never smooth. The guys always laugh at me on account of it and you are just, well, way too beautiful. Way too beautiful to sensibly kiss, that is."

She heard his frustration, and while yes, the leg cramp had obviously broken the mood, she couldn't help but be glad it had happened.

"Laguna, I don't want you to be smooth. I want you to be you and..." Her words were suddenly becoming rushed. She'd come so close to experiencing her first kiss and she'd be damned to not let it happen now. "Please kiss me?"

"You like kissing morons?"

With a giggle, she nodded and shifted over to sit on his lap. Wriggling her bottom a little to settle in more comfortably, she bit her lip when he again began to groan.

"I-I'm sorry," she whispered. "I don't know what to do. I'm awkward, aren't I? I'll just admit it, I've never kissed a man and I'm not sure how. All the books and resources aren't helping me at the moment, although I'm trying to recall exactly the best way to go about it and...I'm mumbling." She placed a finger to her lips and frowned. "I never mumble." Her forehead creased. "What are you doing to me?"

He laughed. "Hyne, I love you," he said, leaning close, the warmth of his breath fanning her face. She knew he had only said the word lightly, his intent being more to jest than of the truth, but still, her breaths quickened as his lips came closer and closer.

"We both just need to relax," he whispered and then began to gently nibble at her lower lip. She mutely nodded and-

Her stomach flipped; the blood rushed to her head. Her arms fell like dead weights at her side. Yet she dimly knew they should be around his neck - that was the fitting way to go about such things - so gathering every bit of her will that was left, she placed them there, sighing a little with pleasure when they soon ended up tangled in his hair. And all she allowed herself to think on were the sensations she was experiencing and nothing more. Nothing more at all.

"Do you have anything pressing this afternoon," he murmured several minutes, or perhaps even hours later, "beyond reading that book?" She didn't care to answer, not desiring to break apart or even to speak. Instead she only made a noise she hoped was an adequate no. "Me neither." The vibrations of his laughter pounded in her ears.

Then his intercom began to buzz. "Damn," he said.

She drunkenly got off of his lap in order for him to reach the phone at his desk. Watching him, admiring him, ogling him, she wished he were back with her on the couch-conceding how shameless she was certainly acting- as he picked up the phone.

His voice was a little brighter than usual, and more than a little breathless.

"What? Sam Carpenter? No, tell him I'm busy today." He raked his bangs in frustration. "I know I promised the Vice-President, but tell Mr. Carpenter my schedule's entirely filled up for the week. In fact, Eva, cancel everything else on it too. I might be out of the office."

There were several high pitched squeals to which he shakily laughed. "You're a peach and I thank you for it from the bottom of my heart." He laughed again. "Also, I'm going to be, um, writing all afternoon. Unless it's urgent, I'd like to not be bothered...thanks." He hung up and from across the room met Quistis's eyes.

Whatever he saw in them seemed to compel him. Soon he was back at the couch, pulling her down beside him. "I know we shouldn't be doing this, but I don't care. Even if it ends up killing me, I just don't care."

"Me either," she murmured against his throat.

"I plan to kiss you 'til quittin' time."

She giggled. "Good. I think I might need the practice," she replied and he slid his arms down her shoulders.

"Will you at least take this off...it's a little stiff and, well, reminds me of certain things, such as why you're really here," he said, speaking of her uniform jacket. In answer, she began to unbutton it, amazed at how her fingers fumbled at the task she could usually accomplish under the most severest of circumstances. He was right. The cloth was scratchy and uncomfortable and today she wanted to be free of it if for only awhile.

She was left in a soft, almost sheer, white blouse and this time he sighed when he again made acquaintance with her shoulders. "Much better," he whispered, running his lips down her throat.

The leather of the sofa grew warm beneath her body pressed into his. Yet he always remained the gentleman, never taking liberty to caress her in all the places that burned to be touched. But overall she was satisfied, finding that for now, it was enough. Part of her feared that he was attempting to woo her towards something more lasting and indissoluble, but then she remembered he'd said he could no more easily commit, and oddly felt reassured. This was sweet, there was no doubt of it, but-

"Stop thinking," he whispered into her ear, and then looked into her eyes with a smile.

"Okay."

It was later when Laguna realized that they were five minutes past their usual time of leaving. Abruptly pulling away, he'd squinted towards the clock, groaned and then pulled her in for another quick kiss. "We have to go, Quistis," he said. She checked her wristwatch and then sprung off the couch with a curse.

"I'm late often enough. It's hardly a big deal," he laughed softly, stopping to watch with evident appreciation her pull on her jacket, straighten her skirt and slip on her heels.

She turned to give him a stern admonishment, but instead let out a moan of dismay. "Laguna, you are completely disheveled. It's only going to be too obvious as to what was going on."

He grinned. "Well, at least I don't have any hickies." He then cocked his head as if considering something. "I-uh don't, right?"

She crimsoned. "I don't think so. Here, let me look." She pulled back his hair that had long since fallen out of its tie and sighed in relief. "No, thank heavens."

"Well, you do."

"What?" she gasped, lifting her hands up to her neck. She suddenly realized that her hair was also tangled about her face. "Laguna," she said with desperation.

He sobered. "I'm only kidding, Quistis." He quickly jotted over to the bathroom, disappeared within and then came out and threw her a brush. "Here. Let me use it after you. As for my shirt..." He then walked over and triumphantly pulled open a closet, revealing several other blue linen shirts.

Unbuttoning his shirt and then stuffing it back into the closet, he quickly grabbed a clean one and put it on. "In case of emergencies, you know?" he grinned, fingering the last of his buttons.

Quistis had only a few short seconds to inspect his naked chest, but in those moments knew she was thoroughly screwed. He was gorgeous. So masculine. And if things kept progressing...

He was back at her side and was gently removing the brush from her hands. In her addled-mindedness she'd forgotten to use it. He spun her around and gently began to comb through her golden hair.

"So beautiful," he breathed and his breath fanned the back of her neck. She melted against him and he slid his arms about her and her worries over being late - or even should others suspect - were entirely wiped away.

But they quickly came back the moment they finally stepped out of his office. Laguna put on his quick, easy grin and Quistis's demeanor was like that of an ice queen's. Both were sure they played the part of innocence quite well, but weren't privy to the muffled giggles and gestures left in their wake. And it was for the best. With that awareness, she might have lost her nerve entirely.

As it was, her volume of "The Big Book of Sex" had been, in their haste to leave, left lying forgotten on the floor. And it would be several days before she remembered it again.

* * *

><p>Another AN - As I said before, thanks for reading. I really, really appreciate it. And if you are maybe beginning to like the Laguna/Quistis love, a friend of mine here on , The Sky Pirate Girl, wrote one herself. And I''m quite partial to it. So check it out! s/8132474/1/Le_Chevalier  
>If I have the link wrong, or it doesn't work, it's called Le Chevalier. So, so lovely. :)<p> 


	8. Chapter 8

Oh man, this has been a long, long time in coming. I'm not even sure if I'll have any readers anymore! Regardless, I'm glad this chapter is finally posted. It's been harrowing my mind for the past year, literally. It took my fabulous beta, who happens to be my sister, to figure it out, tweak over half of it, and tell me what was wrong with the thing. I knew something was wrong, just not what and now no one else will. Thank God for sisters! Anyway, enjoy! Or not!

* * *

><p>"This is a nice ride. A perk of being the President, I suppose." Quistis teased Laguna as he jerked the clutch of his lime green truck into third gear. She laughed and pulled her hair back into a ponytail, glad he had forewarned her it might be windy.<p>

"She's my baby, Quistis," he protested, reaching forward and caressing the dashboard. "We go way back. This girl's taken me many, many places. We get each other." The truck rattled in agreement.

"I'm sure you do. At least she's a convertible, I guess."

"Always thought she looked great with her top off."

"Nice."

Quistis looked over her shoulder at the fading speck of the city behind them, surprised they were actually going forward with Laguna's crazy scheme to escape for the day, just the two of them. But it was delightful, really, shirking responsibility for once.

And it was rather nice pulling one over on Kiros.

The previous evening, after leaving the office, they'd found Kiros pacing the front foyer of Laguna's apartment, his footsteps slow and heavy, as near a stomp as Kiros would ever allow. He'd abruptly halted when he saw them.

"Kiros!" Laguna said brightly, although Quistis felt certain the President was hardly glad to see his friend. "What brings you here?"

"I thought we could all play cards," Kiros said, his affable smile not quite reaching his eyes. He darted a glance her way, and she understood the invitation did not extend to her. "Ward will be here soon."

Laguna's smile was hesitant, and also his answer. She wondered if he'd been hoping for an evening not unlike their afternoon at the office. "Sounds great. Quistis, you in?"

"No thank you. I'll read in my room."

"At least join us for dinner?" he asked, hopefully. Kiros shifted impatiently at his side, but Laguna ignored him, intently awaiting her answer.

And the way he looked at her, as if nothing mattered unless she was near, both thrilled and scared her. "Of course. I'll see you in an hour." She left and began the long walk down the hallway to her room, relieved to escape the intensity of both men's emotions, needing time alone to think about her afternoon with the President. But she didn't want to think too much...besides how wonderful it had felt to be in his arms. She worried that if she actually took time to consider the ramifications, she'd lose her nerve to her usual, better judgment, and she had enjoyed letting that judgment slip for once.

"Quistis, wait!" Hearing his voice echo down the marble hall, she halted and waited for Laguna to join her, wondering what had made him follow. A moment later, he rushed into her vision, and looking behind for signs of pursuit, would have run into her had she not placed an arm out to stop him.

He gave a laugh at her expression, took another quick look behind, and then leaned forward and whispered. "Tomorrow, let's go away for the day."

"Away? Where do you want to go?"

"Shhhhh!"

"Laguna?" Kiros - damn him - had followed as well.

"A minute, Kiros," he called and quickly turned back to her. "Just say you will. Without any of my bodyguards."

She'd longed for further time to consider it, but Kiros had almost rounded the bend, the squeak of his shoes becoming again quite pronounced.

"Yes."

As usual, his smile was like the sun. "Great!" he said and picked up her hand, planting a small kiss onto her palm.

She now studied Laguna's profile as he drove and couldn't keep a smile from making an appearance. He seemed quite pleased with himself for having whisked her away. She'd almost changed her mind about coming. Indeed, last night she'd wrestled with whether she should indulge Laguna's idea or not, tossing and turning in the darkness as she clutched her pillow, trying to make up her mind. She'd already told him she would, and disliked going back on her word, but she also knew she was spiraling into worse and worse behavior and was frightened that she actually sort of liked it. Really, she should be the voice of reason. A man with enemies should never be without his entourage of bodyguards.

Of late, she'd been lax in giving much thought beyond anything pertaining to the assignment besides keeping him generally safe. Tucked away with him in either his office or his apartment - two seemingly well-protected havens - had perhaps diminished some of the seriousness of what was going on beyond the Presidential Palace. But then Squall, Xu and Xander were thankfully working on the logistics of that. She needn't always be on top of things. Indeed, it was nice to relax and let others do their jobs without her interference. Laguna was teaching her that.

But she'd still spent those late-night hours fighting her conscience and fighting the well-learned principles that had been drilled into her by SeeD. And her personal desires nearly lost, but in the end, she'd gritted her teeth and determined that she and Laguna were going to escape their duties for the day and enjoy it, assasination attempts or not. Besides, she could handle anything of the sort. She could keep him safe.

The morning had offered an extra incentive to give in to Laguna's wishes. Zell was blazing with fever. She'd met him in the kitchen chugging down water, moaning in distress. At first she'd thought he'd drunk too much during cards the night before.

"What did you expect?" she chided, assuming his flushed cheeks only flaunted his embarrassment. But when a hacking cough flamed from his throat and then was followed by several loud sneezes, her eyes widened.

"You really _are_ sick."

He'd only groaned.

"Get into bed. You need rest and tonight I'll cover your shift as well."

"You'll be too tired. Just wake me at bedtime," he said, throwing his arms about himself, shivering.

"Zell! In bed."

"One thing," he said, croaking like a frog. "Laguna told me you guys are hightailing it outta here for the day. Just wanted you to know I understand and will hold down the fort. If Kiros comes sniffing around, I'll tell him we're all sick."

She nodded slowly, biting her lip. She hardly wanted Zell in trouble with the Vice President, let alone the Commander, and something told her that their jaunt would not long go unnoticed. "Are you sure?" she finally asked.

He sneezed and then wiped his nose on his sleeve. "Just have some fun for once Q. That party you went to the other night hardly qualified."

She nodded solemnly. "I will."

Getting past Laguna's bodyguards had been a breeze, yet had stirred up several questions in Quistis's mind, for Laguna had simply instructed them not to follow, stating with a grin he was playing hooky with Miss Trepe. They'd listened without any protest, not even giving a word of caution, and then stepped aside for them both to pass. She'd wanted to scream her disapproval, but realized how hypocritical it would be. With a sigh, she let it go and followed Laguna down a blue-carpeted corridor.

A quick descent on a plate lifter brought them directly to Laguna's private garage. Several vehicles - of the expensive, rare type - were parked there, all gleaming under the bright flourescent lights. She was impressed with his collection, being quite fond of cars in general, but her eyes kept wandering over to a sleek, shiny black convertible. An Elvoret 540-XTR. He caught her lustful glance and laughed.

"I have a convertible in mind, but not that one."

"No?" she asked, craning her neck to spy another.

"Come on," he laughed. "This way."

He walked over to a section of steel wall and lightly passed his hand over it. With a crackle of electricity, the wall began to shiver, looking less and less like a wall and more like a thin veil of mist.

"My escape route," he explained and grabbed her hand. His grasp was warm and strong. Looking at their fingers suddenly interlocked, she knew she had made the right decision. She gave his hand a squeeze and together they stepped through the illusion and found themselves upon another, larger lift.

This lift took them well beyond the city, ending in an old industrial park she knew lay quite a ways from the west side. She couldn't help but exclaim over Estharian engineering; they'd gone a considerable distance in only twenty minutes or so.

The park, with its rusted steel buildings and sunken, caved-in roofs, appeared abandoned. The roads were scattered with potholes and scraggly weeds stuck out in clumps between the weather-aged crevices cracking the pavement. Quistis glanced at Laguna in confusion. "It's a good place to hide my most precious of treasures," he grinned.

When he'd led them to a rusted, yet surprisingly intact garage, she'd anticipated the next work of technological genius they'd find there. And he'd inferred it'd be a convertible...

But when he sprung open the door - with an air of excited, school-boy pride - it was only an ancient, open-topped truck - horrendously scratched, with a garish paint job from days long past, parked inside.

"Oh my." Quistis walked over and patted its hood. "Will it run?" she asked, dubiously.

"Of course _she'll_ run." He opened the passenger door. It squeaked on its hinges. "Hop in!"

Not long after, they were out of the industrial park and the countryside spanned before them. Traveling further west, the highway was empty of fellow drivers, that area of Esthar being sparsely populated.

Yes, this was rather nice.

Laguna opened the glove compartment and pulled out a map, weathered and faded from many years of use, and began to inspect it with one eye while the other was fixated on the road. Quistis unbuckled her seatbelt and slid closer to his side.

She didn't want to hurt his pride, but knew he hadn't the greatest sense of direction.

He chuckled. "I'm going to pretend that you just want to be near me - that's naturally the point of having bench seats, of course - but really, I know why you're here."

"I did want to sit by you," she protested.

"Well here, take this," he ordered, giving her the map. "You read it. I want to put my arm around you."

She snuggled into his side, buckling the other seat belt across her lap, and then it dawned on her that she was snuggling. And it felt nice. Nice not to always play cool and collected. For the first time ever, with a man, she was just a normal girl.

"Where are we going?" she asked. "I can't read the map without knowing our destination."

He reached around her arm to point at the map and his fingers accidentally grazed her breast. The truck swerved, straying across the median until with a curse he was able to steady it.

"Sorry about that!" he cried.

"It's okay. The road's deserted," she reassured him.

"Um, I meant about-" He groaned. "Anyway…look for Eldorado. Once there, I'll know where to go. Hyne knows I've been there often enough."

"You're sure?" she teased.

"I think so, but then, maybe the point of today is to find myself lost with you."

Lost. Yes, she liked the sound of that as well.

"Laguna?" she asked. "Will you put your arm back where it was? I rather liked it."

As he continued to drive, and she to read the map, upon looking up she realized they were going full speed towards the face of a red, sandstone cliff. It stretched out for miles, imposing, inpenetrable, yet the map clearly stated somewhere amongst it the road continued on.

"Lagana?" she queried and he guessed her thoughts.

"You'll see how this works."

"Shouldn't you slow down?"

"If you'd like, of course," he laughed. "But don't worry. There's no plan to smash us into rock."

They were at the wall, smooth and red, and yet there were breaks in it and even layers that hadn't been as noticible from a distance. The pavement stopped, and the road itself took a sharp, ninety degree turn and began to climb steeply up the side.

"Switchbacks? I should have guessed," Quistis noted. Quickly they were gaining elevation and she hoped she could trust Laguna as the now gravel road had narrowed a considerable amount. A wrong movement could send them hurtling over the cliff.

"You've done this before, right?" she breathed.

"Yep! There's nothing like a little adventure, eh? But you should be used to this, SeeD that you are."

"I've always been a little afraid of heights," she confessed. "Remind me to never take this road with Selphie."

He laughed and she stiffened beside him. "Just concentrate, please."

"Yes, ma'am."

Back and forth they snaked up the precipice, and when they reached the top Quistis took in a deep breath, realizing she'd hardly breathed during the entire ascent. But she only gave a small glance behind from over her shoulder. "We need to make a left soon and take the road that runs the length of the cliff."

He nodded. "Yeah, and actually, I know precisely where it is. Ready for a bumpy ride?"

His truck, although rickety, was a beast on the primitive road. As they drove, she mentally recapped where they'd come - unlike him, she was known for her excellent sense of direction - but she also enjoyed the scenery they passed. It being a convertible, the going was dusty, but she felt free and relaxed and knew the air beyond their dust circle was clean and crisp. Down below was the desert, a stark contrast to the forest of pines they were now in.

Rarely had she been in a place more beautiful.

When he rolled to a stop, it was to park the truck in a meadow clearing that ran right up to the edge of the cliff, providing a view of the plains of Esthar and its city, although far-off, dazzling in its brilliance.

"Laguna," she breathed. "This really is wonderful."

"I'm glad you like it. I got lost once and found it. Now I come here every so often and write. I've never taken anyone before, but I'm glad to share it with you."

He opened his door and jumped out, and coming to her side of the truck, helped her descend. "I'm also glad the sun's shining. It can get cool up here unlike the lower elevations."

"I'm sure you could keep me warm enough," she teased.

"Yes, as could this," he replied, lifting a bag from the truck's bed which she momentarily found contained a navy woolen blanket. "But it would be nicer to actually sit on." He began to spread it out upon the ground.

She watched him. "Can I help?" she finally asked and he shook his head. "Nope. I'll just grab the food basket. Yes, I packed us lunch," he smiled when she raised her brow. "Although, not wanting to bug the cook, and being a terrible cook myself, it's not much."

"I'm impressed though."

"You should be." His eyes danced. "I'm pretty amazing."

"You are," she said. And then she blushed. Who was this girl who had taken over her body, her speech, her mind? Quistis realized that it was happening…she was letting go. Life was sweet at the moment and she was truly soaking it in. Also doing quite a bit of flirting!

He was watching her, looking a little puzzled, yet also a little pleased.

"This is fun," she said and plopped down upon the blanket. He laughed, grabbed the basket and joined her.

They talked of many things while leisurely enjoying their lunch, things serious, not so serious and then others downright ridiculous. She'd always been observant, had always enjoyed considering the thoughts and actions of others, but with Laguna, it was unnecessary. He opened up to her easily enough, his every word natural and true to himself. He was who he was and never pretended to be anything more or less. And anything she wanted to know, little or not, he told her. And when she eased a bit into talking of herself, he listened as if everything she said was of the utmost importance. It was a heady feeling, really, the intimacy they were beginning to share. She marveled that there were yet so many ways to grow closer, but that she felt unrushed, pleased by the way it was all unfurling. And whenever a small dart of fear, or apprehension, for where it could all be leading entered her brain, she ignored it, determined to only concentrate on the day.

After awhile, they both shifted into a comfortable silence, and Quistis stretched back, molding her body upon the soft ground covered by blanket. "Laguna," she asked lazily. "Did you bring your journal?"

He shifted his gaze from the view he'd been enjoying, and looked at her in puzzlement. "Yeah, actually I did. I'm rarely without it. Habit, I guess."

"Will you get it and write a little?" she asked. She propped herself up on her elbows. "I like to watch you write," she admitted. "For whatever reason, it relaxes me."

"Really?" he smiled. He reached over and quickly unbuckled the leather straps of the bag. Digging inside, he finally pulled it out before searching deeper for his pen. When both were in his hands, he turned and looked at her in question. "What should I write about?" he asked.

"Hmmm," she said dreamily. "Maybe about how perfect this day has been."

"It has been pretty nice," he agreed. Opening the book slowly, he flipped open to a page further in the back. "Well, here I go. You can start _relaxing_ whenever you like," he teased. After a moment or two of silent consideration, his pen began to move fluidly over the page and she began to sense that he was not with her, but in a place beyond their present surroundings. And she felt her own self drift while watching his face.

She didn't know how long she slept, it probably wasn't long, but she was gently awoken by a finger lightly stroking her cheek. "Mmm," she sighed and opened her eyes. He was there, very close, lying down beside her.

"Sorry," he smiled. "I shouldn't have woken you. I didn't mean to, but I just couldn't help but see how soft you felt."

"It's okay," she murmured and reached up to lightly brush his face. He closed his eyes and came even closer, tentatively brushing his lips over hers.

Again, everything was perfect. Flawless, really. Lying under a wide expanse of sky, the warmth of the sun caressing her skin, the quiet, and yet the noise of natural life all around...

And Laguna kissing her.

There were none of the apprehensions of the day before. There wasn't even really the feeling of deep, stirring, sexual tension. It went beyond, into the realm of knowing that everything was right, and that the tranquility of being in his arms had the power to diminish all other, intrusive thoughts.

When the sun began its descent into the west, exploding hues of fire upon the distant clouds, and when the orchestral sound of crickets and other insects began their evening symphony, she sighed against his chest. Silently, as with an unspoken cue, they both stood and began to pick up the scattered remains of their picnic.

Neither spoke, not even when the engine of the truck roared to life and began to jostle them back towards the every day reality of their lives, not until they descended the cliff and found themselves back on the long, ribbon-like road towards Esthar.

"A perfect day," she said again, admiring the glitter and sparkle of the quickly approaching city.

"Yes," he agreed. "Perfect."

* * *

><p>It had been her intent to stay up all night and relieve Zell of his duty, but he was awake and waiting for them in the living room when they returned home.<p>

"You might as well go to bed," he told her when Laguna slipped into the kitchen to dispose of the basket. "I can't sleep. My nose is too stuffed and I'm miserable. Being sick sucks," he complained. "But at least I know that in being here, I can't give it to Piggy."

She yawned and rubbed her eyes. Her contacts were beginning to feel scratchy and all she wanted to do was remove them. During the last half of their drive to the abandoned industrial park, and then even more so during their ride on the plate lifter, her body had begun to feel heavy with fatigue. Surely she wasn't becoming sick as well. She was usually able to withstand illness and her immune system had always been strong. Perhaps it was for the best that Zell couldn't sleep after all.

Suddenly she sneezed, and then jumped, as Laguna, coming into the living room, sneezed as well. She looked over at him with a frown.

"You don't think-" she asked.

"My throat's beginning to hurt," he admitted.

At first she'd thought she was only thirsty, but upon swallowing, she felt the pinch of irritated membranes. "Mine too," she sighed.

"Maybe we'll feel better in the morning," Laguna suggested helpfully.

"Or maybe we won't."

"Well, sleep when you can," Zell croaked, "because this flu really sucks. Take it from me, it's only going to get much, much worse. Feel my forehead," he grabbed Quistis's hand and thrust it upon his skin. "I'm burning up, right?"

She yanked her hand free. "Zell! I don't want your germs," she cried.

He laughed, but it sputtered off into a cough. "I think you've already got them."

The next morning she felt worse. Laguna met her in the kitchen as she was preparing a cup of tea. His hair was mussed and his face pale. Dark circles had appeared under his eyes. She knew she didn't look much better.

"Want some?" she asked and he mutely nodded, although a slight grin touched the corners of his mouth.

"Think we're paying the price for touching heaven yesterday?" he asked.

"Apparently," she replied and shivered. She'd awoken with a fever. "Do you have a heavier robe I can borrow? This flimsy thing isn't keeping me very warm," she flicked her silken one with contempt.

"Pity," he said, and the small gleam in his eye told her he still found her quite attractive, even in her mussed up state. "But yeah, I have just the thing. One minute."

He left and soon returned wearing an old, flannel gray robe, and carrying a similar one in his arms. Her eyebrows arched in question.

He sneezed.

So did she as he placed it around her shoulders. "I liked this robe, so I bought another for when it wore out. Pretty comfy, don't you think?"

It was. She looked down at herself engulfed in the man-sized robe and then over at him and giggled. "We're a sight, aren't we?"

"Totally," he laughed. "Are you back to bed?" he asked.

"No, whenever I lie down I can't breathe."

"Then come with me. We'll burrow down into the couch and ride this sucker out. I know it's early, but are you up for a movie?"

She listlessly took his hand. "Not really, but then, I'm not up for anything, so you might as well put one on." She was beginning to feel irritated; her patience always wore thin whenever she was sick.

"Hey, we'll get through this," he tried to soothe her, but turned away in a fit of coughing. When it subsided, he sighed. "Unless you'd like to put me out of my misery. My head is killing me, especially when it's jostled."

They spent the day on his living room couch, dozing off and on during a marathon of terrible, Estharian movies. But when nightfall came, their bodies both ached as their fevers spiked, and they shivered against one another. Zell came in, after spending the day in bed, and wordlessly took up his nightly residence on the couch.

"Come to bed, Quistis," Laguna whispered in her ear. Then he coughed. "Maybe we can keep each other warm?" he asked, looking slightly abashed. "I mean, uh, I'm not trying to..."

Wordlessly, she stood, stumbled into his room and sat on the edge of his bed, too miserable to care about anything around her. He disappeared down a short hall that led into his bathroom and started the shower. He came back a minute later with a large pair of flannel pyjamas. "Quistis," he gently shook her. "The shower is hot and ready for you. Here," he gently placed them into her arms. "Go shower, sweetheart, and then get into bed."

Mutely she nodded and slowly made her way into his bathroom, leaving him behind. The hot water felt good, even warmed her up a bit, but her teeth began chattering the second she stepped out, dried off, and put on his clothes. The shirt skimmed her thighs, and she awkwardly pulled on the too large pants, grateful they at least had a drawstring band about the waist. Vaguely she realized she probably looked ridiculous, like a hag even, but was beyond all thought or care. Stumbling back into his bedroom, she watched him pull back the covers.

"Come on," he said, and tucked her in. He disappeared to shower as well and then moments later joined her in his bed. As he pulled her close, she lay there miserably in his arms until sometime during the night, sleep finally overcame her and she drifted off into a fitful slumber. It was not until the late morning, when they finally both awoke.

And the day was much as the day before.

But Friday morning dawned bright and beautiful, and upon awakening, Quistis stretched beside Laguna and found she could actually breathe through her nose. It was a glorious feeling, taking in that first deep breath of the morning. And it was glorious feeling her body slowly returning to health. Her sleep the night before had been restful and deep, and her fever had finally burned itself out.

Laguna was breathing steadily beside her and she smiled. Obviously his nose had cleared as well, although she suspected he'd already begun to feel better the afternoon before. He'd been a dear the past few days, always eager to make sure she was as comfortable as possible, sometimes denying his own comfort in the process. If she had to be sick - she was still sorely vexed at her immune system for letting her down - it was remarkably nice being sick with him. The thought of riding out the illness, stashed away in her small, ugly dorm, made her shudder. Garden had a strict quarantine policy when one of its students, faculty or SeeDs came down with the flu. All exposure to the sick was kept at a minimum.

But here, she hadn't been alone. He'd been there beside her. And it was rather nice to have someone to share moans and groans with, knowing they cared about how you were feeling.

Suddenly she felt two strong arms pull her close, and she turned slightly to face Laguna. Then it really hit her, she was in bed with him.

"Morning," he said, drowsily. "How do you feel?"

"Better," she smiled, and then quickly covered her mouth with her hand. The last thing she needed was for him to smell her breath.

He chuckled a little, aware of what she was doing. "You don't have to do that," he said.

"Laguna," she chided. "I have been sick for two, almost three, days. Trust me, you really don't want to come too close." She tried to squirm away, but he held her firmly in place.

"Oh, but I do."

It was quite the predicament. Here she had him in bed, and in general good health, and intuition told her she could easily snap his overly respectful control. But when she did, when she was finally to learn everything she really wanted to know of love and sex and intimacy, the circumstances needed to be a bit more to her liking. Shifting, she felt the heat of her flannel sleepwear waft about inside and realized with the breaking of her fever the night before, she'd sweated out the rest of her illness.

"I'm going to my room to shower, okay?" she sighed and quickly pecked his cheek. She rolled herself out of his arms and off of his bed.

He sighed as well, but then grinned. "Sure thing. You do stink a little."

"What!" she cried, her cheeks flaming with mortification.

"I'm just kidding," he said and chucked her with a pillow. "But I'm glad to see you're feeling better, Quis."

She laid her hand against her heated face, and looked at him grinning at her with no trace of repentence. She couldn't help but smile in response. "Laguna," she said shyly. "Thank you for taking care of me."

"We were in it together."

They really had been. "Yeah, I guess we were."

* * *

><p>Later that day, Quistis turned the nob of Laguna's office, and stepped inside, about to begin her usual inspection of the room before letting him enter as he'd wanted to stop in before the weekend to pick up a few things. She stopped short, surprised, when her eyes lit upon an intruder. Behind her, Laguna bumped into her and then put a steadying hand upon her back. He let it drop, however, when his eyes rested upon the visitor.<p>

Kiros Seagill was there, tall and stiff. Quistis wondered if perhaps the shoulders of his suitcoat were fortified with extra padding. Certainly his tall, willowy frame had always been too slender for such bulk.

"Kiros!" Laguna greeted his friend casually. "What are you doing here?"

"How nice of you to come in today," Kiros replied. "I needed several documents that you evidently left unsigned before taking off with Miss Trepe these past few days, and thought I'd retrieve them myself. Come in," he bade them as if the office were his. "The three of us have several things to discuss."

Quistis looked at Laguna in question, but he gently pushed her forward. She entered, and marveled at how the general peace and cheerfulness of the room had been transformed, grim and uninviting.

"We've been sick," Laguna waved him aside. "See, red nose and all."

"Yes, that's what I was told, but then there's this," Kiros picked up a book that had been unobtrusively - or not - lying on the coffee table in front of the couch. Her "Big Book of Sex".

"Take a seat," Kiros motioned them towards the couch. He walked over and sat on the edge of Laguna's desk facing them, his tall frame bent in frustration. Quistis wondered how this man, who used to count himself as Laguna's nearest and dearest friend, had changed into the one who stood before them, stern, severe and more than a little cognizent of his own power. The vice presidency had certainly changed him.

In humiliation, Quistis sat down and this time, Laguna's presence did little to comfort her. It was an ugly thing, to have this man looking at them as if he were about to chastise two unruly children.

"My assistant informed me of this book's presence in your office. Apparently your own secretaries couldn't keep their mouths shut. Now it's all over the office, even beyond it. The President and his bodyguard -

Laguna began to shake beside her, coughed, and then suddenly exploded in a cacophany of mirth. She didn't find anything funny in the matter.

"It's just a book, Kiros. Truly. Where's the harm in it?"

"Where's the harm!" Kiros sputtered. "Laguna...you, Miss Trepe here-" His face turned a mottled red. "You know precisely where the harm is. We don't need to go into it here. Everything, everything is-"

"Calm down, man," Laguna said, quietly this time. "Kiros, please. Just let it go."

"I think you should take some time off," Kiros replied, abruptly quiet and emotionless.

"What?" Laguna breathed. "Kiros, you can't be serious."

"I am." He nervously glanced at Quistis, but then turned back to his friend. "I took the opportunity to book a house for you next week, at the shore. I think this is all becoming a little too much. You need time off."

"If that's what you think, of course," Laguna replied, and Quistis was overwhelmed by the sadness contained in his reply, and also confused at the general play she was witnessing. Kiros also looked stricken, and winced before looking away. What was going on was more than she could even guess. The energy, and hidden understanding, between the two men was impossible to penetrate.

Kiros squared his shoulders and resumed an attitude of annoyance. "Miss Trepe," he barked, "Your Commander and I had a very interesting conversation today. Be aware that he now knows everything."

"Kiros," Laguna jumped to his feet in protest. "Was that really necessary?"

"It was," the vice president refused to back down. "I'm disgusted by her lack of regard for her job, especially at this most sensitive time when your protection means all. Regardless, it is now a matter between her and Leonhart."

Laguna scowled and turned towards Quistis. "Don't worry Quistis. I'll call Squall."

"No," she said slowly. "Please don't." It was her responsibility to face Squall herself.

aa


End file.
